IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

People living in large cites today face many problems in their everyday life. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns?

#people #face #life #governments #move #towns
With the accumulation of a diverse range of facilities, a rapid influx of citizens to the large cities is noted, which has created a plethora of pressing issues for them. The following essay will explore a few
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
such
 problems
along with
 my stance on the viable action plan to be activated by the rulers, in order to address them.
Firstly
, when the population density of a city area increases, the demand for the persisting limited resources like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
water energy and food are rising at an alarming rate.
Consequently
, the competition in housing, health services, education and
also
 the job market will have a remarkable influence
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
individuals in a negative manner.
For example
, some large zones like Los Angeles, Singapore and London experience the largest per-capita expenditure.
On the other hand
,the release of environmental pollutants is directly proportional to the crowd living in a country.Particularly, greenhouse gases emitted by the high concentration of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vehicles and usage of non-biodegradable artificial products that may include hazardous chemicals can affect inevitably
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the health of the people.
For instance
, some natural water resources in India are not suitable for consumption
due to
 the heavy metals and the other poisons precipitated in
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Perhaps, encouraging the individuals to migrate to the local area is an important method which can be used to mitigate the concerns.
Furthermore
, introducing the latest developmental strategies to suburbs and arranging adequate utilities in
such
 places may avoid the locomotion of the citizens from villages to large towns. In conclusion, I assert that
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
overcrowding has many aligned problems on the health and the economy of the members of a country,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
 and the government should promote the regional areas as an ideal place of living.
Submitted by oriexam6 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Create a clear plan before writing to make sure that all points you want to make are covered logically and sequentially. This will improve your essay's logical structure.
task achievement
Expand the central ideas of each paragraph with further explanations or examples to increase clarity and comprehensiveness.
coherence cohesion
Make better use of paragraphs to separate main arguments, ensuring each paragraph addresses one main idea with supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Good introduction and conclusion that clearly state the topic and reiterate your main points.
task achievement
The essay addresses multiple aspects of the problems faced by city dwellers and suggests a government intervention.
task achievement
Use of relevant examples to highlight the issues mentioned in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!