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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #uk #graduate #students #work #college #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar charts illustrate the proportion of UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not
engaed
Correct your spelling
engaged
engage
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 full-time
work
 after
gratuated
Correct your spelling
graduated
 from university in 2008.
Overall
,the
number
 of two categories (graduated and postgatuated)
studens
Correct your spelling
students
student
,who decided to
continued
Change the verb
continue
show examples
 study
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the most (29,655 and 2,725 respectively).
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 voluntary
work
 was recorded
the
Change preposition
as the
show examples
 minimum
number
 of volunteers.
Initially
, the UK graduates who decided to be in part-time
work
 ,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
were record
Change the verb form
were recorded
were recording
show examples
 (17,735) almost half
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 who
in
Add a missing verb
are in
show examples
further
 study .
In addition
, the total
number
 of
unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
show examples
 UK
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 (16,235). The total of
voluntrees
Correct your spelling
volunteers
 who finished their
bacholares
Correct your spelling
bachelors
bachelor's
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 3,500
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
.
Seconaly
Correct your spelling
Secondly
, the
number
 of postgraduates who
enroled
Correct your spelling
enrolled
 in
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 (
2,335
Add a missing verb
was 2,335
show examples
) ,which is almost near
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the total of students who
choosed
Correct your spelling
chose
show examples
 to
further
 study (2,725).
Furthermore
, more than one thousand and half of
stidents
Correct your spelling
students
 in
this
 category stay without any job.
Also
,
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on the graph only 345 ones decided to
sharing
Change the form of the verb
share
show examples
 their time in
voluntaries
Replace the word
volunteer
show examples
work
.
Submitted by enass  on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words work, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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