Some people believe that children should spend all of their fee time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments both sides, and say which side you personally support.

There are common beliefs
such
as kids must spend their spare
time
with their family
while
others think that it might be negative and not considered as a necessity. In the following
essay
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essay,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
will discuss both opinions. I personally believe that children should be more around their family. On the one hand, by being in their family circle
additional
Change preposition
for additional
show examples
time
children will create emotional bonding with other members of
family
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
. In
modern
Add an article
a modern
the modern
show examples
world
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,
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most of the
time
a family gets together
is in
Verb problem
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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dinner when all
members
Correct article usage
the members
show examples
of the family have a meal. Except
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for this
show examples
this
Add a comma
this,
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they do not have any
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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to
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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together. If kids
spends
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spend
show examples
their free
time
with their parents and siblings it will make
familiy
Correct your spelling
family
ties stronger and unbreakable.
For instance
, in my
country
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country,
show examples
we have traditions that
encourages
Change the verb form
encourage
show examples
family
bondings
Fix the agreement mistake
bonding
show examples
Submitted by Teo Halimov on

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task achievement
Try to provide a more balanced overview of both sides of the argument. Include distinct paragraphs for opposing viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows logically. Use transition words to guide the reader through your points more effectively.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to make them more specific and relevant, and ensure your arguments are clearly explained.
coherence cohesion
Address the minor grammatical errors and improve sentence variety to enhance readability.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a clear understanding of the task requirements.
task achievement
Personal examples are included, which help to support the main points and make the argument more relatable.
coherence cohesion
An attempt is made to organize the essay into paragraphs, and the structure is generally clear.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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