MamadjonovSamandar: Topic: Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people. Task: what are the advantages and disadvantages of children playing computer games?
Health
experts are worried about the high usage of games
on computer
played by kids and young adults. Major Fix the agreement mistake
computers
benefits
of this
are improving cognitive skills
, educational
Correct word choice
and educational
benefits
and drawbacks are health
problems
and negative impact on socializing. This
essay will discuss about
these Remove the preposition
apply
benefits
and drawbacks in detail on this
topic.
Gaming can have a significant impact on children and adults. One of the advantage
is that Change to a plural noun
advantages
games
can improve a person's cognitive abilities such
as critical thinking, problem solving
and hand-eye coordination. Add a hyphen
problem-solving
This
is because when playing a game, the player needs to use their thinking and solve the levels, as the levels increase the difficulty also
rises improving their cognitive skills
. Another benefit og
gaming is educational Correct your spelling
of
benefits
, where they teach different subjects in a
engaging way.
Computer Change the article
an
games
can help kids and young adults understand subjects like maths, science and history in a
engaging way, making Change the article
an
learninf
fun and interactive.
Correct your spelling
learning
A prolonged
gaming on Remove the article
Prolonged
desktop
can have a negative impact on the players. A major drawback is the Add an article
the desktop
a desktop
health
problems
such
as neck pain, obesity, poor posture and eye strain. These problems
are caused because when people
play games
they tend to sit infront
of the computer for a long time without much movement for Correct your spelling
in front
there
body. Another disadvantage can be Correct your spelling
their
inability
to socialize with Add an article
the inability
an inability
people
and being
part of Wrong verb form
be
the
society. Correct article usage
apply
This
is due to
the time spent indoors playing games
rather than interacting with people
and making friends. For example
, there is study
conducted in the United States which examines the socializing Add an article
a study
the study
skills
of the
teenagers in the country. The results say thatCorrect article usage
apply
,
around 30% among 55% of the Remove the comma
apply
people
who struggled to socialize are gamers who plays
for a couple of hours in a day.
In conclusion, the advantages of gaming which are the cognitive Change the verb form
play
skills
and educational benefits
outweigh the disadvantages that is
health
problems
and problems
with socializing. But is impotant
to note that, there Correct your spelling
important
needs
to be a balance and time limits for these Change the verb form
need
games
. As we already know anything used excessive
can Change the word
excessively
problems
.Submitted by Devika on
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task achievement
While the essay covers both advantages and disadvantages of children playing computer games, it could benefit from a more balanced approach. Ensure that both sides are equally detailed for a more comprehensive analysis.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining the topic sentences in each paragraph to ensure that the main points are clear and concise. This will help set the stage for more detailed explanations and examples.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific and varied examples to support your points. Currently, the essay relies heavily on general assertions. Specific data or studies can add weight to your arguments.
task achievement
Be mindful of minor grammatical mistakes and typos, such as 'og' instead of 'of' and 'learninf' instead of 'learning.' While they do not significantly affect the clarity, they can be distracting. Proofreading can help mitigate these issues.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, which aids readability.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the advantages and disadvantages that will be discussed, providing a clear roadmap for the reader.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points of the essay and offers a balanced view, emphasizing the importance of moderation in gaming.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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