Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many helath problems. Sugery products should be more economical to encourage people to consume less sugar Do you agree or disagree
These days there are considerable manufactured
food
and drink
products
with more sugar concentrations , which lead to different types of human diseases , therefore
some people suggest rising prices
of sugary products
, while
other indivisuals
refuse Correct your spelling
individuals
this
opinion .In this
essay, I will explore the pros and cons of the issue that sugary products
should be more economical and try to draw some conclusions.
In the beginning, I will start looking at the benefits of the upgrowing of sugary product prices
. One of the major plus points is that, if sugary food
and drink
products
become more unaffordable then
the number of consumers will decrease. Morover
, the diseases caused by it Correct your spelling
Moreover
such
as Diabetes Mellitus, Obesity and Heart problems will become less. For instance
, one research article stated that,
the percentage of obesity among youngsters in the UK decreased by 14% after an increase in sugary Remove the comma
apply
food
and drink
product bills.
On the other hand
, the disadvantages of sugary food
and drink
products
become more expensive. Some indivisuals
argue that sugary Correct your spelling
individuals
food
includes some types of food
that really have paramount importance in diets and we eat it everyday
. Replace the word
every day
For instance
, bread and pasta, so if it becomes more expensive it will not only influence our food
lifestyle, but furthermore
, some people wouldn't be able to buy the most important food
to them.
To conclude
, there are benefits and disadvantages of raising sugary food
product prices
, in spite of the fact that it impacts our food
lifestyle and also
it will figure out obesity
dilemma. Correct article usage
the obesity
Personnally
I believe that increased Correct your spelling
Personally
prices
of sugary food
have invaluable
effect on human health and life would be better with fewer problems.Add an article
an invaluable
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task achievement
Your essay makes a clear argument and covers both sides of the issue well. To enhance your score, focus on refining the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas, and make sure your examples are more specific and closely tie into your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, it’s important to ensure that each paragraph seamlessly transitions to the next. You can use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
overall
Work on correcting minor grammatical mistakes and ensuring subject-verb agreement. It will help in presenting your ideas more clearly and professionally.
task achievement
Your introduction is strong; it clearly sets the context and outlines what the essay will cover. This is crucial for getting a good score in task achievement and coherence.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples and studies such as the example of obesity statistics in the UK. Including data enhances the credibility of your argument.
coherence cohesion
The division of the essay into clear paragraphs makes it easy to follow and shows a good grasp of essay structure. Each paragraph addresses a specific point which is good for coherence and cohesion.