IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many helath problems. Sugery products should be more economical to encourage people to consume less sugar Do you agree or disagree

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These days there are considerable manufactured
food
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 and
drink
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products
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 with more sugar concentrations , which lead to different types of human diseases ,
therefore
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 some people suggest rising
prices
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 of sugary
products
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 ,
while
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 other
indivisuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 refuse
this
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 opinion .In
this
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 essay, I will explore the pros and cons of the issue that sugary
products
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 should be more economical and try to draw some conclusions. In the beginning, I will start looking at the benefits of the upgrowing of sugary product
prices
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. One of the major plus points is that, if sugary
food
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 and
drink
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products
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 become more unaffordable
then
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 the number of consumers will decrease.
Morover
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Moreover
, the diseases caused by it
such
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 as Diabetes Mellitus, Obesity and Heart problems will become less.
For instance
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, one research article stated that
,
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apply
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 the percentage of obesity among youngsters in the UK decreased by 14% after an increase in sugary
food
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 and
drink
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 product bills.
On the other hand
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, the disadvantages of sugary
food
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 and
drink
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products
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 become more expensive. Some
indivisuals
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individuals
 argue that sugary
food
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 includes some types of
food
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 that really have paramount importance in diets and we eat it
everyday
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every day
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.
For instance
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, bread and pasta, so if it becomes more expensive it will not only influence our
food
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 lifestyle, but
furthermore
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, some people wouldn't be able to buy the most important
food
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 to them.
To conclude
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, there are benefits and disadvantages of raising sugary
food
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 product
prices
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 , in spite of the fact that it impacts our
food
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 lifestyle and
also
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 it will figure out
obesity
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the obesity
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 dilemma.
Personnally
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Personally
 I believe that increased
prices
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 of sugary
food
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 have
invaluable
Add an article
an invaluable
show examples
 effect on human health and life would be better with fewer problems.

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task achievement
Your essay makes a clear argument and covers both sides of the issue well. To enhance your score, focus on refining the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas, and make sure your examples are more specific and closely tie into your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, it’s important to ensure that each paragraph seamlessly transitions to the next. You can use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
overall
Work on correcting minor grammatical mistakes and ensuring subject-verb agreement. It will help in presenting your ideas more clearly and professionally.
task achievement
Your introduction is strong; it clearly sets the context and outlines what the essay will cover. This is crucial for getting a good score in task achievement and coherence.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples and studies such as the example of obesity statistics in the UK. Including data enhances the credibility of your argument.
coherence cohesion
The division of the essay into clear paragraphs makes it easy to follow and shows a good grasp of essay structure. Each paragraph addresses a specific point which is good for coherence and cohesion.
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