Should wealthy people be obliged to share their financial success with poor people by supporting health services and education, or is this the responsibility of the poor to improve their own standard of living? Give your opinion.

There are common
belief
Fix the agreement mistake
beliefs
show examples
such
as rich
people
must help
people
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty by spending their
money
to improve health care and education systems,
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
think that poor
people
should take care
themselves
Change preposition
of themselves
show examples
. I personally believe that everyone should be responsible
to advance
Change preposition
for advancing
show examples
their living
standarts
Correct your spelling
standards
.
Firstly
, every financial
support
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
not
last
forever and
relying
Add the preposition
relying on
relying upon
show examples
such
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
help can lead
terrible
Change preposition
to terrible
show examples
consuquences
Correct your spelling
consequences
. Charities,
support
companies and wealthy patrons
not always be
Change the verb form
are not always
were not always
show examples
able to
privide
Correct your spelling
provide
poor
Change preposition
for poor
show examples
communities as there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
chance that
econimical
Correct your spelling
economical
economic
crisis might hinder their ability to help.
Furthermore
, Rich
people
often
worked
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
hard to gain
such
amount
Correct article usage
an amount
show examples
of
money
that allows them
live
Add the particle
to live
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
prosperous
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
most
them
Change preposition
of them
show examples
will
be disagree
Change the verb form
disagree
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
giving away
money
that earn with great difficulty.
For instance
, our government forced wealthy
people
to provide medical operation
people
Change preposition
to people
show examples
who
strugling
Correct your spelling
struggling
with financial
scarsity
Correct your spelling
scarcity
security
. We
also
count on
this
support
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
my
mothers
Change to a genitive case
mother's
mothers'
show examples
operation but when the day the operation
take
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
place we do not
recieved
Correct your spelling
receive
received
any financial
support
.
Secondly
, oversupporting can lead
people
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty to
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
lazy and irresponsible. In
modern
Correct article usage
a modern
show examples
community
Add a comma
community,
show examples
each person should somehow give their
contribution
Replace the word
contribute
show examples
to improving their community.
Individs
Correct your spelling
Individuals
who
always
Add a missing verb
have always
show examples
taken
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
support
from external
resourses
Correct your spelling
resources
like patrons and charities do not think
other
Change preposition
of other
show examples
ways of earning income and would be
depented
Correct your spelling
dependent
and vulnerable
such
Change preposition
to such
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
support
. In
turn
Add a comma
turn,
show examples
it will lead
Change preposition
to
show examples
leaziness
Correct your spelling
laziness
sleaziness
and poor
people
will not improve their conditions in the long run.
For example
, we have
beggers
Correct your spelling
beggars
show examples
in my country, in past
decates
Correct your spelling
decades
they used to beg for
money
and they
so
Add a missing verb
are so
show examples
obsessed with
this
they even do not think about working.
To conclude
, I can state that despite
fact
Add an article
the fact
show examples
that it is very generous for wealthy
people
to
supporting
Change the form of the verb
support
show examples
poor
people
, I think that poor
people
should be
responcible
Correct your spelling
responsible
for their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by Teo Halimov on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure of your essay, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next. You might want to use more linking words and phrases such as 'however,' 'therefore,' and 'in addition.' This will help your essay flow better and improve coherence.
task response
You present an argument and relevant points, but to achieve a higher score, aim to provide more comprehensive ideas by elaborating on each point with more depth. For instance, you could explain the long-term consequences of relying on charity in greater detail.
task response
Your examples are relevant but could be more specific and well-connected to your main argument. Providing a wider variety of specific examples would strengthen your essay. Also, ensure they directly support the point you're making in each paragraph.
organization
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing your main points well.
task response
You provide relevant ideas and some specific examples to support your arguments. This enhances the reader's understanding of your perspective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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