IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Your company is going to organise a special training course for a few staffs. Your manager has asked you to find out if the local conference centre has the right facilities to hold this course. Write a letter to the manager of the conference centre. In your letter: give details about the course describe what equipment you will need for the course ask some further questions about the facilities at the conference centre

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Dear sir, I am writing
this
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 letter with regard to get permission to hold a training course at your centre on the upcoming weekend.
To begin
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 with, my employer wants to arrange the annual CPR workshop for our new candidates,who join us
this
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 year.To elaborate,
this
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 training is scheduled for Saturday 6 July and it will start at sharp 9 am In the morning and conclude at 6 pm in the evening.
Moreover
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,
this
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 workshop will include
the
Correct article usage
apply
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demonstrations of how to save a person's life in a heart attack situation,because nowadays more and more cases of heart attack are drastically increasing.
Besides
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this
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, we will need some
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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such
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 as
,
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apply
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a projector,
theadphones
Correct your spelling
headphones
 and duplicate models for performing CPR
practicles
Correct your spelling
practices
.Please make sure to use high quality sound system,so the participants can hear the voice of the instructor without any
distrubance
Correct your spelling
disturbance
.
Lastly
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, I have some questions regarding your services.
Firstly
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, there are some candidates
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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coming from
the
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apply
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different cities,so is it possible to
fix
Verb problem
arrange
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accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 for them at your place? and
last
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 but not
the
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apply
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least, parking
aminities
Correct your spelling
amenities
 are included in the total bill? I am waiting for your positive answers
on
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to
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 my questions. yours sincerely, Parthkumar

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coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, consider organizing the letter into more distinct paragraphs. For example, one paragraph for dates/timing, one for equipment, and one for questions. This makes it easier to read and follow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea. Mixing multiple points in a single paragraph can make it harder for the reader to follow.
task achievement
Be careful with small grammatical and punctuation errors. For instance, 'theadphones' should be 'headphones' and 'practicles' should be 'practicals'.
task achievement
You could add more detail to your questions about accommodations and parking to provide more clarity.
suitable writing tone
The letter is polite and maintains a formal tone, which is suitable for writing to a manager.
complete response
The task response is complete and covers all required points—details about the course, equipment, and additional questions are all included.
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