IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008
In
this
Linking Words
 era, evidence shows schools allow
children
Use synonyms
 who are under 7 years of
age
Use synonyms
to begin
Linking Words
 their formal
education
Use synonyms
. It appears that some people argue that
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon should not be happening.
This
Linking Words
 essay attempts to shed light on both arguments of
this
Linking Words
 tendency. First and foremost, sending
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
 at an early
age
Use synonyms
 can be advantageous to some extent. In some regions,
school
Use synonyms
 starts to allow young students to get a formal
education
Use synonyms
to begin
Linking Words
 their
education
Use synonyms
 journey at an early
age
Use synonyms
. It's believed that the early
age
Use synonyms
 of
education
Use synonyms
 can merit the growth of intelligence more easily rather than at a late
age
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, the Citra Bangsa
School
Use synonyms
 which is located in Jakarta, accept students without any
age
Use synonyms
 limit requirement and
children
Use synonyms
 under 7 years old can begin their
education
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is a possibility that formal
school
Use synonyms
 can negatively affect
children
Use synonyms
's mental, especially
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a very early
age
Use synonyms
, considering their level of maturity and intelligence. Formal
education
Use synonyms
 requires students to study under many factors of pressure.
For instance
Linking Words
, there was a case that
children
Use synonyms
 at a young
age
Use synonyms
 had depression because of the pressure from studying at
school
Use synonyms
. Parents should consider the level of maturity and intelligence of their
children
Use synonyms
 before sending them to get a formal
education
Use synonyms
 to prevent them from depression. I
also
Linking Words
 believe that
this
Linking Words
 approach should be well acknowledged by parents in society to reduce the amount of the same cases
might
Correct pronoun usage
that might
show examples
 appear in the future. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it is irrefutable that the ubiquity of formal
education
Use synonyms
 at an early
age
Use synonyms
 to some extent, I believe that
children
Use synonyms
 under 7 years of
age
Use synonyms
 should not get a formal
education
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "to begin".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words children, age, education, school with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Graduate
  • Postgraduate
  • Full-time work
  • Further education
  • Part-time work
  • Unemployment
  • Volunteering
  • Traveling
  • Gap year
  • Career progression
  • Job market
  • Transition
  • Academic life
  • Professional sphere
  • Economic factors
  • Social factors
  • Financial crisis
  • Long-term impact
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