The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008
In
this
era, evidence shows schools allow
children
who are under 7 years of
age
to begin
their formal
education
. It appears that some people argue that
this
phenomenon should not be happening.
This
essay attempts to shed light on both arguments of
this
tendency. First and foremost, sending
children
to
school
at an early
age
can be advantageous to some extent. In some regions,
school
starts to allow young students to get a formal
education
to begin
their
education
journey at an early
age
. It's believed that the early
age
of
education
can merit the growth of intelligence more easily rather than at a late
age
.
For example
, the Citra Bangsa
School
which is located in Jakarta, accept students without any
age
limit requirement and
children
under 7 years old can begin their
education
at
school
.
On the other hand
, there is a possibility that formal
school
can negatively affect
children
's mental, especially
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
a very early
age
, considering their level of maturity and intelligence. Formal
education
requires students to study under many factors of pressure.
For instance
, there was a case that
children
at a young
age
had depression because of the pressure from studying at
school
. Parents should consider the level of maturity and intelligence of their
children
before sending them to get a formal
education
to prevent them from depression. I
also
believe that
this
approach should be well acknowledged by parents in society to reduce the amount of the same cases
might
Correct pronoun usage
that might
show examples
appear in the future. In conclusion,
while
it is irrefutable that the ubiquity of formal
education
at an early
age
to some extent, I believe that
children
under 7 years of
age
should not get a formal
education
at
school
.
Submitted by muhammad.alfarasyi on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "to begin".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words children, age, education, school with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Graduate
  • Postgraduate
  • Full-time work
  • Further education
  • Part-time work
  • Unemployment
  • Volunteering
  • Traveling
  • Gap year
  • Career progression
  • Job market
  • Transition
  • Academic life
  • Professional sphere
  • Economic factors
  • Social factors
  • Financial crisis
  • Long-term impact
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