IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people are using credit cards or loans to run up huge personal debts that they may be unable to repay. It should therefore be made more difficult for the individuals to borrow large amounts of money. What are your opinions on this?

#people #credit #cards #loans #debts #individuals #amounts #money
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In today’s society, many young adults are in favor of using credit cards which result in huge amounts of
debt
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 from the banks to the point they cannot repay the
debt
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. Many
people
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 believe lending large amounts of
money
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 should be more difficult in order to stop young
people
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 from going bankrupt. In my opinion, I agree with the statement that banks need to make borrowing large sums of
money
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 harder.
Firstly
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, borrowing a large
amount
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 of
money
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 hurts not only the
people
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 borrowing it but
also
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 the
bank
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 and government allowing it. If more
money
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 is borrowed and not repaid,
then
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 the customers will be in
debt
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 with the
bank
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 which makes their lives harder.
Moreover
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, if a large
amount
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 of cash is borrowed without being repaid, the
bank
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 will run out of loans which will result in bankruptcies, forcing the
bank
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 to close down. By making large sums of
money
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 hard to borrow, only
people
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 with stable incomes can borrow and repay.
Secondly
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, being in
debt
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 can make
people
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 do some shady actions. When
people
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 borrow a large
amount
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 of cash and cannot repay it, they are more stressed about the
debt
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. Being stressed for a long time can make them do
unrational
Correct your spelling
irrational
 things
such
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 as gambling,
lend
Wrong verb form
lending
show examples
money
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 to shady
people
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, and much worse. Making it hard to borrow
money
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 from the
bank
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 can help
people
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 not go into massive
debt
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, which in turn keeps them from doing illegal stuff to repay the
debt
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.
To conclude
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, I believe that it is not necessary to lend a substantial
amount
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 of
money
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. It's not efficient, and
people
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 might feel more strain after borrowing.
Submitted by dohuyhoang on

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task achievement
To enhance task response, include more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. This will make your argument more compelling and grounded.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive language and use more varied vocabulary to maintain the reader's interest and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and maintains it throughout, fulfilling the task requirement sufficiently.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is noticeable with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well supported with explanations and logical reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • credit cards
  • loans
  • debts
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • stringent checks
  • balances
  • repaying
  • reckless spending
  • living beyond one's means
  • financial destabilization
  • regulations
  • cap (verb)
  • income
  • financial commitments
  • mandatory financial education
  • financial decisions
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