Task 2: both men and women these days work full-time, so it is logical for them to share household chores equally. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
One school of thought holds that it is unjustifiable to divide housework equally to
both
genders, although
they are occupying full-time employments
. Fix the agreement mistake
employment
However
, I am wholeheartedly contend
that the responsibility Change the verb form
wholeheartedly contend
in
doing household chores should be separated to Change preposition
of
both
male
and Fix the agreement mistake
males
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
due to
them doing full-time works
in Fix the agreement mistake
work
this
modern era.
First and foremost, the rationale behind my aforementioned claim is to increase the
productivity in doing housework. That said, Correct article usage
apply
instead
of only one gender such
as a mother or a grandmother being responsible for cleaning the house,
when men and women Remove the comma
apply
overtaking
Wrong verb form
overtake
this
responsibility equally are able to complete the same task with much less time. As a result
, both
genders in a family have more time dedicating
Change the verb form
to dedicate
for
their personal career building and pursuing or forming hobbies, which can benefit their mental health for better attitudes towards other Change preposition
to
family’s
members.
Change noun form
family
In addition
to productive
effect, doing household chores Correct article usage
the productive
in equality
can bring men and women the feeling of getting close to each Correct your spelling
inequality
others
. Change to a singular noun
other
This
means accomplishing house tasks together give
husband and wife, Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
for example
, the opportunities
to discover different characteristics of each Fix the agreement mistake
opportunity
others
. One more trait Change to a singular noun
other
can
be explored is how carefully and meticulously he or she arranges dishes after washing. Correct pronoun usage
that can
Furthermore
, throughout the process of doing housework, men and women in a family can confide their own stories which they have experienced at workplace
for empathy and consolation.
In conclusion, despite some arguments Add an article
the workplace
a workplace
of
not sharing household chores Change preposition
about
to
Change preposition
with
both
female
and Fix the agreement mistake
females
male
, I totally agree that in Fix the agreement mistake
males
this
society where two genders work full-time, it is not illogical for them to have home tasks divided equally due to
two primary advantages involving the efficiency and bonding means.Submitted by mylinhlee27 on
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task response
The essay responds well to the task and offers a clear opinion. However, the argument could be more nuanced by acknowledging some of the potential downsides or counterarguments to balance the discussion.
coherence cohesion
You generally have clear and logical structure in your essay, but you can improve coherence by ensuring smoother transitions between paragraphs and points. Using more cohesive devices will help your ideas flow better.
task response
While you provided good reasons and examples, adding more specific and varied examples would strengthen your task achievement further. For instance, mention real-life situations or studies that support your opinion.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear and logical introduction and conclusion, which succinctly summarize the points discussed.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph presents a main point and supports it with explanations, ensuring the content is relevant and comprehensive.