IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that time and money spent on music classes in schools aren’t necessary; instead children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.

#people #time #money #music #classes #schools #aren’t #children #subjects #science #computers
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Nowadays
children
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 multi-talent
then
 only they can survive
this
 competitive world. Most of the
schools
 are teaching
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
students
 some additional
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 like
music
 during their leisure period. Some people
are
Verb problem
argue
show examples
 argued
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 classes are not important to compare
this
students
 must spent to learn about sciences and computers. I am not going to support
this
 statement by giving the
below mentioned
Add a hyphen
below-mentioned
show examples
 points.
Firstly
,
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 and they cannot spend full time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
show examples
.
Therefore
 most of the
schools
 are introducing some nonacademic classes for
weekly
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
two to three hours
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 classes
contains
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
show examples
 sports and
music
.
Secondly
, nobody can impose on
children
 to give time for only study.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 in my kinder age the school
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 I studied there was a piano
class
 conducted weekly
one
Change preposition
for one
show examples
 hour,
students
Correct word choice
and students
show examples
 those has
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 join without fee.
Moreover
, few
parents
 are not willing for their
children
 to learn
nonacademic
Correct your spelling
non-academic
show examples
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 like
music
.
Because if
Correct word choice
If
show examples
children
 start to learn
music
class
 during
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 kinder age it might
affects
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
 their studies
like that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
are perceiving
Wrong verb form
perceive
show examples
. All
parents
 cannot see from
this
 perspective because
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
Correct article usage
a kinder
show examples
kinder age
Correct your spelling
kindergarten
show examples
children
 like to do different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of activities like playing,
dancing
Correct word choice
and dancing
show examples
parents
 should allow them whatever they want to learn under
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 supervision.
To sum up
,
as per
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my opinion
schools
 are teaching their
students
 nonacademic
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 like
music
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 entirely welcome activities. Simultaneously
parents
also
 should allow them to learn
music
 in
schools
 if their
children
 have
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it.
Submitted by smsundaram57 on

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introduction conclusion present
The introduction needs to clearly paraphrase the essay question and state your position on the topic more directly. This sets up the framework for your discussion.
supported main points
While your main points are clear, some of them are not fully developed or supported with sufficient examples. Strengthen your argument by providing more specific examples and detailed explanations.
clear comprehensive ideas
Be consistent with verb tenses, and ensure the proper use of articles and prepositions. There are several grammatical errors that can be polished for a more fluid read.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear function and transition smoothly into the next. Try to avoid abrupt transitions or introducing new points abruptly.
complete response
Your main argument against the statement is clear and you provide multiple reasons to support your viewpoint.
supported main points
You recognize and address an opposing viewpoint, which strengthens your argument by showing you understand both sides of the discussion.
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