Some people say that time and money spent on music classes in schools aren’t necessary; instead children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Nowadays
children
needs
multi-talent Change the verb form
need
then
only they can survive this
competitive world. Most of the schools
are teaching to
their Change preposition
apply
students
some additional class
like Fix the agreement mistake
classes
music
during their leisure period. Some people are
argued Verb problem
argue
this
classes are not important to compare Change the determiner
these
this
students
must spent to learn about sciences and computers. I am not going to support this
statement by giving the below mentioned
points.
Add a hyphen
below-mentioned
Firstly
, children
Change noun form
children's
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
is
not Correct subject-verb agreement
are
same
and they cannot spend full time Correct article usage
the same
for
Change preposition
on
academic
. Fix the agreement mistake
academics
Therefore
most of the schools
are introducing some nonacademic classes for weekly
two to three hours Correct word choice
apply
this
classes Correct determiner usage
these
contains
sports and Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
music
. Secondly
, nobody can impose on children
to give time for only study. For
instance
in my kinder age the school Add a comma
instance,
which
I studied there was a piano Correct word choice
where
class
conducted weekly one
hour, Change preposition
for one
students
those has Correct word choice
and students
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
can
join without fee.
Wrong verb form
could
Moreover
, few parents
are not willing for their children
to learn nonacademic
Correct your spelling
non-academic
class
like Fix the agreement mistake
classes
music
. Because if
Correct word choice
If
children
start to learn music
class
during the
kinder age it might Correct article usage
a
affects
their studies Change the verb form
affect
like that
they Correct word choice
apply
are perceiving
. All Wrong verb form
perceive
parents
cannot see from this
perspective because in
Change preposition
at
Correct article usage
a kinder
kinder age
Correct your spelling
kindergarten
children
like to do different type
of activities like playing, Fix the agreement mistake
types
dancing
Correct word choice
and dancing
parents
should allow them whatever they want to learn under his
supervision.
Correct pronoun usage
their
To sum up
, as per
my opinion Change preposition
in
schools
are teaching their students
nonacademic class
like Fix the agreement mistake
classes
music
is
entirely welcome activities. Simultaneously Correct subject-verb agreement
are
parents
also
should allow them to learn music
in schools
if their children
have interest
Correct article usage
an interest
on
it.Change preposition
in
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introduction conclusion present
The introduction needs to clearly paraphrase the essay question and state your position on the topic more directly. This sets up the framework for your discussion.
supported main points
While your main points are clear, some of them are not fully developed or supported with sufficient examples. Strengthen your argument by providing more specific examples and detailed explanations.
clear comprehensive ideas
Be consistent with verb tenses, and ensure the proper use of articles and prepositions. There are several grammatical errors that can be polished for a more fluid read.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear function and transition smoothly into the next. Try to avoid abrupt transitions or introducing new points abruptly.
complete response
Your main argument against the statement is clear and you provide multiple reasons to support your viewpoint.
supported main points
You recognize and address an opposing viewpoint, which strengthens your argument by showing you understand both sides of the discussion.