Many people are using credit cards or loans to run up huge personal debts that they may be unable to repay. It should therefore be made more difficult for the individuals to borrow large amounts of money. What are your opinions on this?

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We live in an age when many of us are dependent on
credits
Change the noun form
credit

Your sentence appears to use the incorrect form of credits. Consider changing it to singular.

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cards or other
loans
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to manage our
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day

It seems that day to day is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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expenses. Most of the time people would not be able to pay them on time and they indulge in more and more
debts
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is hard for everyone to get big
credit
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in future. The
folowing
Correct your spelling
following

If you don’t want folowing to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

paragraphs discuss whether
using
Change the verb form
to use

Using doesn’t seem to work here.

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credit
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

money or not and reach a reasonable conclusion. First of all, more people do not have enough financial knowledge, they misuse
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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credit
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

cards and
loans
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to pay their
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses

It seems that expense may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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which
leading
Wrong verb form
leads

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb leading. Consider changing it.

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to enormous
debts
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, high personal
debts
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can have detrimental effects on mental health and
overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

well-being, making it challenging for many
individuals
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to lead normal lives.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, with the access
of
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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easy money available, no one
think
Change the verb form
thinks

It appears that the indefinite pronoun one does not agree with the verb think in your sentence. Consider changing the form of the verb.

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about the repayment of
credits
Fix the agreement mistake
credit

It seems that credits may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and they just increase their
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending

It seems that spendings may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and end up paying more
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest

It seems that interests may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and even face low
credit
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores

It seems that score may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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for future borrowings.
Lets
Replace the word
Let's
Let us

The word Lets may be used incorrectly. Review the following notes to determine the appropriate usage for your context.

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explore some of the measures which
needs
Change the verb form
need

The singular verb needs does not appear to agree with the plural subject the measures. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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to be taken by the
credit
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

unions and agencies so they just provide the
credit
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to those who are able to pay back. On top of that, financial institutions should implement stringent checks and balances to ensure that
individuals
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are capable of repaying
loans
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
credit
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

card
debts
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Regulations can be put in place to cap the amount of
credit
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

available to
individuals
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

based on their income and existing financial commitments.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, banks and
credit
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

agencies should provide them
mandatory
Change preposition
with mandatory

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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financial
educationbefore
Correct your spelling
education before

If you don’t want educationbefore to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

granting large
loans
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

which can empower
individuals
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to make better financial decisions.
To conclude
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
it is clear that
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

immediate action is necessary to tackle the issue effectively. Banks and other
credit
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

agencies
put
Verb problem
take

There may be a verb use issue here.

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Fix the agreement mistake
steps
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step
Fix the agreement mistake
steps

It seems that step may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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to first educate the
individuals
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

access
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
them
Correct your spelling
the

The word them doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
Change preposition
to smaller
show examples
smaller
Change preposition
to smaller

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
credit
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

available
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker if. Consider removing the comma.

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if the person
use
Change the verb form
uses

The plural verb use does not appear to agree with the singular subject the person. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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their rights wisely
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

they provide them big credits.

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coherence cohesion
You have done well in structuring your essay with an introduction and conclusion. However, try to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and ensure that each body paragraph directly supports this opinion. This will improve your logical structure and help to make your ideas more clear and comprehensive.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples and clearer explanations to support your main points. This will help to strengthen your argument and provide a more complete response to the question.
task achievement
Although you have addressed the task and provided some relevant points, try to avoid generalizations and focus on explaining your points more thoroughly. This will help in making your response more clear and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which is essential for a well-structured essay.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt and discussed potential solutions, which shows a complete response to the task.
task achievement
Your points about the detrimental effects of debt and the need for financial education are very relevant to the task. These are strong main points that enhance your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • credit cards
  • loans
  • debts
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • stringent checks
  • balances
  • repaying
  • reckless spending
  • living beyond one's means
  • financial destabilization
  • regulations
  • cap (verb)
  • income
  • financial commitments
  • mandatory financial education
  • financial decisions
What to do next:
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