Many people are using credit cards or loans to run up huge personal debts that they may be unable to repay. It should therefore be made more difficult for the individuals to borrow large amounts of money. What are your opinions on this?

We live in an age when many of us are dependent on
credits
Change the noun form
credit
show examples
cards or other
loans
to manage our
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
expenses. Most of the time people would not be able to pay them on time and they indulge in more and more
debts
.
Moreover
, it is hard for everyone to get big
credit
in future. The
folowing
Correct your spelling
following
paragraphs discuss whether
using
Change the verb form
to use
show examples
credit
money or not and reach a reasonable conclusion. First of all, more people do not have enough financial knowledge, they misuse
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
credit
cards and
loans
to pay their
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
which
leading
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
to enormous
debts
.
Furthermore
, high personal
debts
can have detrimental effects on mental health and
overall
well-being, making it challenging for many
individuals
to lead normal lives.
Additionally
, with the access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
easy money available, no one
think
Change the verb form
thinks
show examples
about the repayment of
credits
Fix the agreement mistake
credit
show examples
and they just increase their
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
and end up paying more
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
and even face low
credit
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
for future borrowings.
Lets
Replace the word
Let's
Let us
show examples
explore some of the measures which
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
to be taken by the
credit
unions and agencies so they just provide the
credit
to those who are able to pay back. On top of that, financial institutions should implement stringent checks and balances to ensure that
individuals
are capable of repaying
loans
and
credit
card
debts
. Regulations can be put in place to cap the amount of
credit
available to
individuals
based on their income and existing financial commitments.
Moreover
, banks and
credit
agencies should provide them
mandatory
Change preposition
with mandatory
show examples
financial
educationbefore
Correct your spelling
education before
granting large
loans
which can empower
individuals
to make better financial decisions.
To conclude
,
it is clear that
immediate action is necessary to tackle the issue effectively. Banks and other
credit
agencies
put
Verb problem
take
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
steps
show examples
step
Fix the agreement mistake
steps
show examples
to first educate the
individuals
and
then
access
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
them
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
Change preposition
to smaller
show examples
smaller
Change preposition
to smaller
show examples
credit
available
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
if the person
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
their rights wisely
then
they provide them big credits.
Submitted by hazel@ on

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coherence cohesion
You have done well in structuring your essay with an introduction and conclusion. However, try to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and ensure that each body paragraph directly supports this opinion. This will improve your logical structure and help to make your ideas more clear and comprehensive.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples and clearer explanations to support your main points. This will help to strengthen your argument and provide a more complete response to the question.
task achievement
Although you have addressed the task and provided some relevant points, try to avoid generalizations and focus on explaining your points more thoroughly. This will help in making your response more clear and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which is essential for a well-structured essay.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt and discussed potential solutions, which shows a complete response to the task.
task achievement
Your points about the detrimental effects of debt and the need for financial education are very relevant to the task. These are strong main points that enhance your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • credit cards
  • loans
  • debts
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • stringent checks
  • balances
  • repaying
  • reckless spending
  • living beyond one's means
  • financial destabilization
  • regulations
  • cap (verb)
  • income
  • financial commitments
  • mandatory financial education
  • financial decisions
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