IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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I strongly disagree that
children
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 from poor
families
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 are better able to deal with
life
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's
problems
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 than
children
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 from rich
families
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,
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apply
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 because it is not a matter of money, but a matter of parental education. First of all, I think
children
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 from rich
families
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 may be better able to deal with adult
life
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problems
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 when their
parents
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 are well educated. Because the rich
children
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 will know more than the poor
children
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,
this
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 is "the economic base determines the superstructure."
Parents
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' economic strength can open up a very broad road for their
children
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, and some
children
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 were born in Rome, and their knowledge and vision are completely different.
Secondly
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, it is not that rich
families
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 will ignore their
children
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's education
problems
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, but sometimes the richer
the
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apply
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parents
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 of
the
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apply
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rich
families
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 are more strict with their
children
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,
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apply
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 because the
parents
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 are more aware of the social situation, and after teaching the
children
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, the
children
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 will avoid a lot of
detdetments
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departments
 in
life
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.
Finally
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, I think the cognitive gap caused by the economic foundation is
also
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 very large. Sometimes the
problems
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 in
life
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 are not very simple to deal with. Perhaps some
children
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 who are familiar with the hidden rules of social interaction are more capable of dealing with the
problems
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 in
life
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 than
children
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 who have not been taught the hidden rules of social interaction.

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introduction conclusion present
Consider extending your introduction and providing a clear thesis statement to strengthen your argument from the beginning.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This will improve the logical flow and coherence of your essay.
supported main points
Add more detailed examples and evidence to support each of your main points. This will make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
introduction conclusion present
Reinforce your conclusion by summarizing your main points and restating your position clearly.
complete response
You have clearly outlined your stance on the topic and provided valid reasons to support your position.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay addresses the task requirements, discussing both rich and poor families' impact on children's upbringing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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