All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity, How could it be tackled?

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Obesity has been a growing phenomenon in many societies across the world, and it negatively impacts

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apply

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adults

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and

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kids. Since inactive behaviour is leading to

overweight

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being overweight

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between

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among

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youngesters

Correct your spelling

youngsters

, I believe it can be solved by governmental

activities

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. Adults and young

people

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are struggling with obesity

issue

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issues

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in the world, and

sedentary

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a sedentary

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lifestyle might be the main one among some possible reasons. To be more clear,

sedentary

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a sedentary

the sedentary

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lifestyle which

people

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do not do any physical

activities

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or do not study

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apply

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anywhere, and just stay at

their

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apply

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home.

For instance

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, a person mostly spends time at home

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apply

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and does some

activities

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such

Linking Words

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apply

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playing video games, watching movies, and eating so much amount of foods that are fattening, for a long time.

As a result

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, mature and immature

people

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have been gaining so much weight and becoming fat.

Additionally

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Furthermore

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, everyone

want

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wants

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to be healthier and thinner, and there are some achievable ways to handle

this

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problem globally.

For instance

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, the government must organize national running marathons for everyone, and they should give different prizes and gifts

for

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people

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winning

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win

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and

being

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are

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active.

As a consequence

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people

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motivate themselves to get valuable awards

through

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show examples

running

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apply

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a long distances

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a long distance

long distances

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like tens of kilometres.

In addition

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, specialists teach and guide

people

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to a

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apply

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healthier life

through

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giving some information on a television programme, so when they realize and know what

are

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beneficial or not, they

would

Verb problem

can

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change themselves efficiently. In conclusion,

while

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overweight issues are common among both grown-up and middle-aged

people

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because of

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

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physical

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of physical

show examples

activities

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, it can be prevented by local authorities.

makemoneyizzy16Thu Jun 20 2024

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task achievement

Your essay has a good structure, but the main points could be better supported with specific examples and elaboration. Try to add more details and explanations to strengthen your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Make sure to avoid repetition and redundancy. For instance, 'adults and young people' can be simply stated as 'people' after the initial distinction is made. This will make your essay more concise and clear.

introduction conclusion present

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your arguments effectively.

task achievement

You have identified and explained a key reason for the rise in obesity and proposed potential solutions, showing good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

264 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Obesity
Overweight
Epidemic
Sedentary
Processed food
Fast food
Nutritional education
Awareness
Stress
Emotional eating
Genetic factors
Access
Healthy food options
Marketing
Urbanization
Lifestyles

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All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity, How could it be tackled?

Your opinion

Global warming is one of the biggest threats to our environment . What causes global warming ? What solutions are there to this problem ?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

in their advertising,businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products ar new in some way. why is this?do you think it isa positive ornegative developement?