IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

‘Preventing lifestyle illnesses is the responsibility of individuals and their families, not governments.’ To what extent do you agree or disagree? Support your arguments with examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#lifestyle #illnesses #responsibility #individuals #families #governments #support #arguments
These days the fact of having a healthy
lifestyle
 has gained popularity.
However
Add a comma
However,
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 it is controversial to define who has more responsibility in the habits of a society.
While
 some believe that measures taken
from
Change preposition
by
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 governments are crucial to reduce
lifestyle
 illnesses, others believe family and individuals have more impact on preventing
this
 case of illnesses. In my opinion, governments have the most important role in
lifestyle
 illness. Despite the fact that individuals should choose to follow a healthy
lifestyle
, the government should offer facilities to develop it.
Due to
 the high price of gym memberships or
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 access, it is difficult to be active except for a few ones.
However
, if these services are offered by governments, diseases related to sedentary behaviour will be reduced, and people with a desire for
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
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 exercise will have spaces to do it. In the same way,
while
 the
last
 decision is taken by each individual, unhealthy behaviour starts with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of education.The
uderstanding
Correct your spelling
understanding
 of the importance of healthy habits could lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 better decisions. It is crucial to teach parents and children about eating habits and exercise, so the growing generation
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 learn
since
Change preposition
at
show examples
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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Submitted by jennitobon16 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider expanding your introduction slightly to provide more background information. This will set a clearer context for the reader and enhance your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs contain a topic sentence and are logically connected. Each idea should flow smoothly into the next, guided by transition words.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. Examples strengthen your points and demonstrate your wide range of knowledge.
Task Achievement
You have made a clear stance on the issue, which is good for your essay's clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, making it easy to read and follow your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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