Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, one of the key challenges that all the authorities face is the dilemma of budget
spilt
. Correct your spelling
split
While
some people think that government
should spend Correct article usage
the government
in
Change preposition
on
arts
, Correct article usage
the arts
and
others think Correct word choice
apply
to invest
in public facilities first. No doubt, Change the verb form
investing
that
priorities can vary among Correct word choice
apply
the
countries, depending on the condition of the country whether Correct article usage
apply
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
developing
or developed country. From my perspective, both Correct article usage
a developing
the
views are truthful. I will give a brief explanation Correct article usage
apply
for
both Change preposition
of
the
views in the following essay.
There has Correct article usage
apply
being
a history of music and theatre, in almost all Wrong verb form
been
the
cultures Correct article usage
apply
across
worldwide and Change preposition
apply
if
we notice that Correct word choice
apply
music
Correct article usage
the music
industry
has grown up
rapidly. Change preposition
apply
For example
, talking about Mumbai city of India, which
is popular Correct pronoun usage
apply
for
Change preposition
in
Bollywood
Correct article usage
the Bollywood
industry
known
for music and theatre. Government investing in Correct word choice
and known
this
industry
and considering public interest for
it creates Change preposition
in
a
room for employment which indirectly makes public services more in demand. There will be more job opportunities, as the Correct article usage
apply
industry
will be needing
Wrong verb form
need
huge
number of people. Change the article
a huge
the huge
Therefore
, benefiting for
the citizens.
Change preposition
apply
On the other hand
, governments should also
consider better availability of public services. Since these items are basic human needs, they should be well provided. To do this
, authorities should budget some money for them. For instance
, by providing good health facilities, the state will support its people to have better health access. Moreover
, by letting individuals have the opportunity to use fine public transports
or high-quality education, the state will improve its citizens' quality of life. Fix the agreement mistake
transport
Thus
, spending money on public facilities is also
quite pivotal.
On balance, since funding for the arts and providing public access are significant things to do, it is pretty difficult to make a conclusion, whether I agree or disagree.Submitted by bhavika.a.siroya on
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task achievement
Your introduction does a good job of presenting the issue and stating your perspective. However, it can be more engaging and concise. Aim to clearly state your stance on the topic, whether you agree or disagree, and then briefly outline the points you'll cover.
task achievement
The main points in your essay are generally clear and supported with relevant examples. However, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, and avoid overly complex or lengthy sentences that might confuse the reader. Try to directly address how investing in the arts might conflict or complement investing in public services.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is present but can be stronger. It should succinctly summarize your main points and give a clear final opinion on the matter. It should not introduce new information but should re-emphasize your stance.
coherence cohesion
There is a need for better transitions between your ideas and paragraphs to improve the logical flow of your essay. Connective language (e.g., 'furthermore,' 'however,' 'on the other hand') can help link your paragraphs and ideas more cohesively.
task achievement
You have attempted to address both sides of the issue, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The examples you provided, such as the reference to Mumbai and the Bollywood industry, were relevant and helped to illustrate your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each tackling a specific aspect of the discussion.
coherence cohesion
You have made a good effort to present a balanced view, acknowledging the importance of both arts and public services.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?