Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with the police or the military. Others think that women are less suitable for this kind of job. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In the current context, strong physical capabilities. ,
although
, the
equality between males and females Correct article usage
apply
have
been accepted by Correct subject-verb agreement
has
the
globalization. There is a claim Correct article usage
apply
about
Change preposition
that
women
are unsuitable for jobs like police
officers and soldiers. Which
I strongly disagree since Correct pronoun usage
apply
Women
have the right to choose careers they are interested in and there is just physical suitability that maybe
be a limitation compared to men, which could be a Correct your spelling
may
challenges
for Correct the article-noun agreement
challenge
women
in this
career field. Nonetheless
, this
is the thing that can be improved and adjusted.
On the one hand, Due to
the common understanding from external perspectives, military and police
work often require physical strength for tasks such
as arresting criminals, going Change preposition
to wars
wars
or protecting civilians and the country. Individuals who work in these areas are typically expected toFix the agreement mistake
war
Add a missing verb
have
However
, women
, generally have a body
structure that is
weaker compared to men, characterized by narrower skeletons, less muscle mass, and lower body
fat. According to
the research on the physical body
of 150 female and male police
officers conducted by Kasetsart University, female police
are more flexible but less strong compared with males.
On the other hand, The resilience of our bodies can be cultivated. For example
of
increasing muscle cell division through regular exercise or adding fat to the Change preposition
apply
body
through take
an appropriate Verb problem
apply
diets
. Correct the article-noun agreement
diet
Moreover
, we currently live in a modern era where the
freedom and rights Correct article usage
apply
is
very sensitive. Every gender, every age, and every social class has equal rights. Change the verb form
are
Similarly
, women
have the right to choose their careers and future paths.
In summary, the statement arguing in the present about “Are female
appropriate in taking Fix the agreement mistake
females
police
officers and soldiers as a job?”. I really disagree since the reason that female
do not suit Fix the agreement mistake
females
this
field is just because of their physical body
which they can develop by changing routine. Moreover
, when it comes to rights and freedoms, they have the right to choose and decide for themselves.Submitted by apichaya4768 on
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task achievement
Ensure there are no grammatical errors and that your sentences are clear and concise. For example, "There is a claim about women are unsuitable" should be revised to "There is a claim that women are unsuitable."
task achievement
Use more specific examples and statistics to support your arguments. While you mentioned a study by Kasetsart University, elaborating on what the study entailed and its significant findings would strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Streamline your ideas to maintain clear and comprehensive thoughts throughout the essay. It would be helpful to outline your key points before you write to ensure each paragraph contributes to your thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Use cohesive devices like "Moreover", "In addition" or numerical transitions like "Firstly" and "Secondly" to help guide the reader through your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The essay contains an introduction and conclusion, which frame the arguments effectively.
complete response
The essay attempts to address both views on the topic and lands on a clear opinion, showing a complete response.
relevant specific examples
The argument about physical capability and rights of choice are relevant and specific to the topic.
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