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Band 7

The line graph gives information about the number oflranian, Greek and Turkish studentswho enrolled at Sheffield University between 2005 and 2009.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and makecomparisons where relevant.

The line graph gives information about the number oflranian, Greek and Turkish studentswho enrolled at Sheffield University between 2005 and 2009.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and makecomparisons where relevant.
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The line chart compares the information about international
students
Use synonyms
 from particular nations who studied at the
University
Use synonyms
 of Sheffield from 2005 to 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, there were general upward trends among
students
Use synonyms
 from
Iran
Use synonyms
 and Turkey,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of Greek
students
Use synonyms
 enrolled at
university
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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significantly fell during the same period. In 2005, Greek
students
Use synonyms
 were by far the largest
number
Use synonyms
 of studied at
university
Use synonyms
, peaking at 180
people
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, it declined sharply in the following two years, with around 60
students
Use synonyms
 in 2007. After
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
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, it generally maintained a steadily upward trend until 2009, reaching the bottom of about 40
people
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, it was the least
students
Use synonyms
 of all enrolled at the
university
Use synonyms
. When it comes to
Iran
Use synonyms
 and Turkey, both trends are similar situations. The
number
Use synonyms
 of Iranians stood at 40 in 2005, overtaking Turkish in the same year (20
people
Use synonyms
).
Then
Linking Words
, both
Iran
Use synonyms
 and Turkey were increased steadily until 2009. Interestingly, the figure for Turkish fell slightly in 2008,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of Turkish exceeded the Iranian trend, becoming the largest population of categories.
Conversely
Linking Words
, after 2008, the data indicated that
Iran
Use synonyms
 dramatically went up, with 160
people
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, university, iran, number, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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