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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some employers think that academic qualifications are more important than life experiences and personal qualities. Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative development?

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In
this
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 day and age, most corporations tend to consider academic
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
 as the crucial part when recruiting new employees.
This
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 essay will elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
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 reasons and whether the
overall
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 impact is positive. One possible reason leading to
this
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 is people’s academic qualifications can reflect
the
Change the word
their
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 intelligence of themselves. They must have a strong studying ability to reach
such
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Use synonyms
education
Replace the word
educational
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 backgrounds, which is essential to acquire a wide array of
job corresponding
Add a hyphen
job-corresponding
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 skills.
As a result
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,
lesser
Correct word choice
less
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 time is required for them to foster
such
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 skills, saving the expenditure for firms. Another reason is that it is more convenient
as well as
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 direct to check the
Use synonyms
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 backgrounds of candidates, as
education
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 backgrounds can be printed on the resumes and checked on the Internet.
By contrast
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, their other aspects like personal qualities and life experiences can only be examined
though
Correct your spelling
through
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 internship, costing loads of time for both individuals and companies, which is not suitable. Despite
great
Correct article usage
the great
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 convenience and profits has
this
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 thought brought to corporations, we cannot ignore
the
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its
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 shortcomings
of
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apply
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it
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apply
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. The most obvious drawback is that not
every
Correct quantifier usage
all
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 successful people are generalists, and some
of
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apply
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applicants may only show their talents in
particularly
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particular
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 areas like
managing
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management
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 and leadership, which fail to be demonstrated by their relatively low academic qualifications,
such
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 as Jack Ma, the CEO of Alibaba only has undergraduate
education
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 background, but is talented in raising businesses. These kinds of people may
cannot
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not
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 be noticed by the companies, constricting the economic growth
for
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of
show examples
 enterprises. In a nutshell, it is indisputable that evaluating a person with his
Use synonyms
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 background can be convenient,
however
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, specialists will face great challenges in seeking a suitable job under
this
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 schedule. And the
overall
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impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
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 of it is absolutely negative.

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task response
Make sure to address both prompts clearly in the introduction. Specifically state why some employers value academic qualifications more and clearly articulate if this is positive or negative.
task response
Ensure your main points are supported with more detailed examples or explanations. For instance, you could elaborate further on why academic qualifications save companies time and money.
coherence cohesion
While you have a logical progression of ideas, work on making transitions smoother between paragraphs. This helps maintain coherence.
task response
You have effectively introduced the topic and stated your intention to discuss both the reasons behind this trend and its impacts.
coherence cohesion
The main points are generally well-organized, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively wraps up the essay by restating the main points and making a clear judgment about the overall impact.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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