IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people tend to take temporary jobs (they only work for few months of year), for they have time to do other things. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #jobs #work #months #year #time
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These days,It is becoming more and more popular for
people
Use synonyms
 to take brief
jobs
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 in the world.As a matter of fact,many
population
Change to a plural noun
populations
show examples
 might decide to
work
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 some
time
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 of the
year
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 because of personal circumstances.Actually,there are a lot of advantages and disadvantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 avoiding
permenant
Correct your spelling
permanent
jobs
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.In
this
Linking Words
 essay,I will address some pros and cons of selecting short_lived
jobs
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 and
also
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 I will draw my opinion. Let's begin by looking at some benefits of doing temporary
jobs
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.First of all,the community who
work
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 some months of the
year
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 may have a lot of
time
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 to do many interesting activities.It is believed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
doing limited
jobs
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 can expand new opportunities like learning
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 instruments or travelling to spectacular places.Another notable merit is that the population with limited
jobs
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 could choose their beloved
jobs
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 during the
year
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.Generally speaking,most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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 prefer to select
well_paid
Correct your spelling
well-paid
jobs
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 even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
 are demanding
jobs
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. Turning to the other side of the argument,having temporary
jobs
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 might be boring because of having plenty of free
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 during the
year
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.Clearly,some
people
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 who used to
work
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permenantly
Correct your spelling
permanently
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 would be exhausted
of
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from
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 staying at home for extra
time
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.Another striking disadvantage is that the folk may not be able to get an appropriate job with excellent
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
,they would lose the opportunities
of receiving
Change preposition
to receive
show examples
 proper
jobs
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 because of changing them
among
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over
show examples
 the
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year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,despite the fact that the
people
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 who get a brief job have a lot of
time
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 and
also
Linking Words
 have accessibility to do their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
work
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,It may be tiring and less salary.In my view,the benefits of having
short_lived
Correct your spelling
short-lived
jobs
Use synonyms
 can outweigh the drawbacks.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure smooth transitions to maintain coherence.
task response
Work on spelling and grammar accuracy to avoid misunderstandings. For example, 'permanent' and 'permanently' were misspelled as 'permenant' and 'permenantly'.
task response
Develop each point with more specific examples to enhance the argument. This will help in making the essay more engaging and persuasive.
task response
The essay clearly addresses the advantages and disadvantages of taking temporary jobs, fulfilling the task requirements.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion are present and effective, providing a clear overview and summary of the essay.
coherence
Main points are generally well-supported, making the argument reasonably strong.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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