Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both theses views and give your own opinion.
In recent times, some people believe that parents should encourage their
children
to take time with groups
in their free time. However
, others say that it is essential for children
to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. This
essay will discuss both views and I will draw my personal conclusion.
On one
hand, some people Correct article usage
the one
agrued
that Correct your spelling
argued
argue
children
should take part in organized group activities for many reasons. The first reason
is that kids
will be more socialization
. Replace the word
social
According to
new
survey, "The Add an article
a new
precentage
of Correct your spelling
percentage
Children
who are socializing with others is about 90 % around the world”. Thus
, the effect of socialization is a
positive for Change the article
apply
children
to active with each other. The second reason
is that they learned a lot
activities in Add the preposition
lot of
a
best way. So, most Change the article
the
of
parents prefer their Change preposition
apply
children
to connect with their friends and share their activities with each other. That is
the main essential reason
.
On the other hand
, others believe that kids
might learn independently with their own to how
occupy and learn new skills. Learning independently is the main important reason
. Some of
families prefer their sons to discover new skills alone because it improves their gain new knowledge in the best side rather than with Change preposition
apply
groups
.
What is more, some kids
do not fouce
well with Correct your spelling
force
face
groups
, when they learn a new skill. Thus
, some families prefer their kids
to enjoy their own time alone to be more creative.
In conclusion, there is no doubt that parents have different views about this
issue according to
their own reasons and what they prefer for their kids
. In my opinion, I agree with first
view because Change the article
the first
kids
are learning actively and socially more with groups
.Submitted by MH
on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph elaborates on a single main idea. In the current essay, points about socialization and learning new skills are repeated without clear organization.
task achievement
When presenting statistics or survey results, ensure real or specific sources if possible. The mentioned survey feels ambiguous.
task achievement
Expand on examples and explanations. For instance, describe specific activities, types of skills, or scenarios to make your points more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay clearly discusses both viewpoints and provides a personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, enhancing readability.
coherence cohesion
The rationale for the benefits of socialization and independent learning is logical and relatable.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.