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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the percentage of adults aged16 and over who participated in various activities in the four weeks prior to interview in the United Kingdom in 2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where Relevant

The table below shows the percentage of adults aged16 and over who participated in various activities in the four weeks prior to interview in the United Kingdom in 2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where Relevant
#percentage #adults #activities #four #weeks #interview #kingdom #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given table
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 information about the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of popularity in
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
 activities in adults aged 16 and over during four weeks. These data were acquired by interview.
Overall
Linking Words
 it is clear,
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 most total average was the largest figure for the item
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
labeled
Change the spelling
labelled
show examples
 “at least one activity”. Walking was the second
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
largest
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
.
Football
Use synonyms
 and
weigh
Correct your spelling
weight
show examples
 training
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 nearly the same and the least popular activity
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 all
Use synonyms
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
. Cue sport and cycling popularity were as equal. Most females and males participated in other items
Correct pronoun usage
that was
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 not separately listed and walking.
Football
Use synonyms
 and
weight
Use synonyms
 training were the least popular in
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 yoga and
weight
Use synonyms
 training accounted for the smallest
proportion
Use synonyms
 of males’
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
show examples
. The
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
average total
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
stood at 64%,
while
Linking Words
football
Use synonyms
 and
weight
Use synonyms
 training
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 lower
nearly
Change preposition
by nearly
show examples
 5% and 6%, respectively. Cue sports and cycling are equal to 11%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
.
Football
Use synonyms
 and
weigh
Correct your spelling
weight
show examples
 training were the least popular in
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
. The largest
proportion
Use synonyms
 of females
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
participated
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 items were not listed at just over 7o%,
silimarity
Correct your spelling
solidarity
 that of females stood at nearly 60%.None of
Add an article
the woman
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 participated in
football
Use synonyms
. The
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 percentages
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
weight
Use synonyms
 training and cue
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 nearly equal at 3 and 4, respectively. The smallest
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
the males
show examples
males
Change the noun form
male
show examples
population
Use synonyms
was come
Change to the active voice
came
has come
show examples
 from
weight
Use synonyms
 training and yoga stood at
average
Correct article usage
an average
show examples
8
Change preposition
of 8
show examples
.
Submitted by kargar.mh1992 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, population, football, weight with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 4 times.
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