Some people believe that time spent on television and computer games can be valuable for children. Others believe this has negative effects on a child. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

We live in the information era. Many people in the world have a

computer

Use synonyms

, smartphone, and

another electronic devices

Replace the adjective

another electronic device

other electronic devices

show examples

. Not only the world has changed

Add the word(s)

, but

show examples

people have changed

also

Linking Words

The contemporary

Correct article usage

Contemporary

show examples

children

Use synonyms

spend their time not only playing in the street

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but and playing

Change preposition

apply

show examples

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

. Some people believe that

this

Linking Words

can be useful and valuable for

children

Use synonyms

others

Correct word choice

while others

show examples

believe that

this

Linking Words

has negative effects. We will discuss

this

Linking Words

aspect

from

Change preposition

show examples

Use synonyms

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

lives in

Linking Words

further

Correct article usage

a further

show examples

part of

essay

Add an article

the essay

an essay

show examples

and consider both views.

Firstly

Linking Words

, we will analyze the first logical point of view. Supporters

Linking Words

this

Change preposition

of this

show examples

theory allege that

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

can serve

Change preposition

apply

show examples

educational purposes. Some genres of

games

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

strategies or

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

education,

very

Add a missing verb

are very

show examples

helpful. The strategies can

learn

Verb problem

teach

show examples

a child

ruling

Change the verb form

to rule

show examples

elaborate systems.

For example

Linking Words

Correct article usage

a very

show examples

very

Correct article usage

a very

show examples

good series of

games

Use synonyms

is called "Civilization", these

games

Use synonyms

about

Add a missing verb

are about

show examples

governance

Add an article

the governance

show examples

of the whole country, it

learn

Change the verb form

learns

show examples

Wrong verb form

understand

show examples

understanding

Wrong verb form

understand

show examples

any political problems. The historical

games

Use synonyms

help us

learning

Wrong verb form

learn

show examples

history and feel

Correct article usage

the

show examples

spirit of that epoch.

For instance

Linking Words

game

Add an article

a game

the game

show examples

Correct your spelling

show examples

called "Hearts of Iron 4". It is a complex game dedicated to the Second World War. Some educational

games

Use synonyms

set a goal

learning

Change preposition

for learning

show examples

persons of something.

Secondly

Linking Words

, the contrary opinion. Proponents

Linking Words

this

Change preposition

of this

show examples

position state that

pastime

Correct article usage

the pastime

show examples

playing

Change preposition

of playing

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

exert

Correct subject-verb agreement

exerts

show examples

negative effects on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

Use synonyms

. They spend their time in the fresh air less

therefore

Linking Words

youngsters become

fewer

Correct quantifier usage

less

show examples

healthy than their

ancestry

Replace the word

ancestors

show examples

formerly. The sedentary

lifestile

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

causes some

diceases

Correct your spelling

diseases

Linking Words

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

not all

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

develop

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Fix the agreement mistake

brain

show examples

brains

Fix the agreement mistake

brain

show examples

, some

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

ones

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can be harmful

for

Change the preposition

show examples

the nervous system. In conclusion, I have rather a positive attitude

Change preposition

toward

show examples

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

, it is

the

Correct article usage

show examples

great instrument for education. But we

chould

Correct your spelling

should

could

restrain

children

Use synonyms

from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

excessive overuse and

motivated

Wrong verb form

motivate

show examples

them to do sports.

andreidiakov2100

Jun 23, 2024

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task achievement

Your essay provides a balanced discussion and addresses both views of the topic. However, some points could be expanded to provide a more comprehensive response.

coherence cohesion

To enhance clarity, make sure to improve the use of linking words and transitional phrases. This will help in creating a smoother flow of ideas.

grammar and vocabulary

There are minor grammatical and vocabulary errors that affect readability. Pay attention to the usage of articles, subject-verb agreement, and word choice.

task achievement

You have chosen relevant and specific examples that support your points effectively.

coherence cohesion

The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion which frame the discussion well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
52
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

289 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

educational content
stimulate imagination
cognitive skills
problem-solving
hand-eye coordination
critical thinking
decision-making skills
tech-driven world
screen time
social isolation
desensitize
aggressive behavior
social skills
moderate and supervise
balanced approach

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Some people believe that time spent on television and computer games can be valuable for children. Others believe this has negative effects on a child. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the future all cars, busses and trucks will be driveless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that children should learn to design and make things in school. Others believe that there are better things to learn. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In some cities public parks and open space are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruits and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?