A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not well-organised. What are the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world? Do you think that the benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks?

#places #world #tourism #source #income

It is pointed out that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

tourism

is an integral source of receipt in some

part

Fix the agreement mistake

parts

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of the world. Since it is not well-organised,

tourism

may cause

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apply

show examples

severe issues.

Additionally

country

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the country

a country

show examples

can become a thriving place but at the same

time

Add a comma

time,

show examples

tourism

may

resulted

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result

show examples

displacement

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the displacement

show examples

of people

due to

the influx of tourists. From my point of view, the merits of

tourism

can outweigh

demerits

Correct article usage

the demerits

show examples

. Taking

the

Correct article usage

apply

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Thailand as an example,

thi

Correct your spelling

this

country

has

been

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

experienced

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

critical economic growth from

tourism

. In the past, Thailand was

was

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

Change the article

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impoverished fishing village. Over 5 decades,

this

country

has been

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

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transformed thriving holiday destination by the influx of touristic expenditure.

As a consequence

, there are now enough workplaces

as well as

standard

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a standard

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of living for inhabitants owing to the construction of facilities like shops, restaurants,

hotels

Correct word choice

and hotels

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On the other hand

, the flood of visitors may be harmful

for

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show examples

Add an article

the economy

show examples

economy

Replace the word

economic

show examples

community

besides

the relation among local people.

In addition

, one

country

that appeals the visitors for its historical and stunning places is

Venica

Correct your spelling

Venice

. If the flow of tourists increased the demand for accommodations would

also

raise

Correct your spelling

rise

show examples

Consequently

, inhabitants have

got

Verb problem

apply

show examples

to move anywhere else as their homes were purchased by businessmen.

Furthermore

, immigration may

resulted

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result

show examples

in a

lost

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loss

show examples

of communication and kindness as well. All in all, even though

vast

Correct article usage

the vast

show examples

tourism

cause

Replace the word

causes

show examples

immigration

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the immigration

show examples

of residents, it

Verb problem

has

show examples

a positive impact that can outweigh its drawbacks.

Submitted by soglomovsarvar on Sun Jun 23 2024

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task achievement

Your introduction outlines the topic and presents your viewpoint that the benefits of tourism outweigh the drawbacks. However, it lacks a clear thesis statement. Try to refine your introduction to clearly state your main arguments.

task achievement

While you provide relevant examples, such as Thailand and Venice, make sure these are fully developed and clearly linked back to the central argument. Expanding upon the negative impacts in more detail would strengthen your position too.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure; however, some paragraphs and sentences are disjointed or unclear. Make sure to connect your ideas more fluidly and clearly link each paragraph back to your main argument.

coherence cohesion

Work on sentence structure and grammar. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that can obscure meaning. Proofread your essay carefully or consider using grammar-checking tools.

coherence cohesion

Provide a more substantial conclusion that sums up your main points succinctly while reaffirming your stance. This will give your essay a stronger finish and make your argument more compelling.

task achievement

You chose relevant and specific examples to support your points, such as Thailand for economic growth and Venice for displacement issues. This adds credibility to your essay.

task achievement

The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of tourism, which shows a clear understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

Your introductory paragraph sets the stage for the discussion effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

236 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

sustainable tourism
ecotourism
heritage sites
hospitality industry
tourist influx
cultural commodification
ecological footprint
economic diversification
carrying capacity
cultural sensitivity
destination marketing
travel advisories
visitor management
impact assessment
tourism revenues
authentic experience
visitor satisfaction
conservation efforts
seasonal fluctuation
social sustainability

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A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not well-organised. What are the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world? Do you think that the benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Old Towns and Cities The world has many towns and cities constructed in previous centuries that were more suitable and livable for people in those times than they are now. What problems will this cause? What can be done to solve these problems?

The burning of oil for transport especially in private cars is wasteful and environmentally irresponsible. Taxation on petrol and diesel fuel should be increased to very high level to discourage the use of private cars. To what extent would you support or reject this idea.

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many museums charge for admission, while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admissions to museums outweigh the disadvantages?