A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not well-organised. What are the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world? Do you think that the benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks?
It is pointed out that
the
Correct article usage
apply
tourism
is an integral source of receipt in some part
of the world. Since it is not well-organised,Fix the agreement mistake
parts
tourism
may cause to
severe issues. Change preposition
apply
Additionally
, country
can become a thriving place but at the same Add an article
the country
a country
time
Add a comma
time,
tourism
may resulted
in Change the verb form
result
displacement
of people Add an article
the displacement
due to
the influx of tourists. From my point of view, the merits of tourism
can outweigh demerits
.
Taking Correct article usage
the demerits
the
Thailand as an example, Correct article usage
apply
thi
Correct your spelling
this
country
has been
experienced Unnecessary verb
apply
a
critical economic growth from Correct article usage
apply
tourism
. In the past, Thailand was was
Remove the redundancy
apply
a
impoverished fishing village. Over 5 decades, Change the article
an
this
country
has been being
transformed thriving holiday destination by the influx of touristic expenditure. Unnecessary verb
apply
As a consequence
, there are now enough workplaces as well as
standard
of living for inhabitants owing to the construction of facilities like shops, restaurants, Correct article usage
a standard
hotels
.
Correct word choice
and hotels
On the other hand
, the flood of visitors may be harmful for
Change the preposition
to
Add an article
the economy
economy
community Replace the word
economic
besides
the relation among local people. In addition
, one country
that appeals the visitors for its historical and stunning places is Venica
. If the flow of tourists increased the demand for accommodations would Correct your spelling
Venice
also
raise
. Correct your spelling
rise
Consequently
, inhabitants have got
to move anywhere else as their homes were purchased by businessmen. Verb problem
apply
Furthermore
, immigration may resulted
in a Change the verb form
result
lost
of communication and kindness as well.
All in all, even though Replace the word
loss
vast
of Correct article usage
the vast
tourism
cause
Replace the word
causes
immigration
of residents, it Correct article usage
the immigration
is
a positive impact that can outweigh its drawbacks.Verb problem
has
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task achievement
Your introduction outlines the topic and presents your viewpoint that the benefits of tourism outweigh the drawbacks. However, it lacks a clear thesis statement. Try to refine your introduction to clearly state your main arguments.
task achievement
While you provide relevant examples, such as Thailand and Venice, make sure these are fully developed and clearly linked back to the central argument. Expanding upon the negative impacts in more detail would strengthen your position too.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure; however, some paragraphs and sentences are disjointed or unclear. Make sure to connect your ideas more fluidly and clearly link each paragraph back to your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that can obscure meaning. Proofread your essay carefully or consider using grammar-checking tools.
coherence cohesion
Provide a more substantial conclusion that sums up your main points succinctly while reaffirming your stance. This will give your essay a stronger finish and make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
You chose relevant and specific examples to support your points, such as Thailand for economic growth and Venice for displacement issues. This adds credibility to your essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of tourism, which shows a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introductory paragraph sets the stage for the discussion effectively.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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