IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Because of traffic and housing problems in the cities, the government encourages businesses to move to the rural. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

#traffic #cities #government #businesses #move
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Businesses
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 which are concentrated in
one
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plece
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place
 have been severely
impact
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impacting
impacted
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 traffic and housing
problem
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problems
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 in the
city
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. Every year, more and more
people
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 are coming to town to find jobs, and it becomes overcrowded.
One
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 of the
solution
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solutions
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 from
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government
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the government
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 is for
business
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 owner to
considerate
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consider
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 rural
area
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areas
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 as the location for their company. Even though
this
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 might
sounds
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sound
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 complicated to do, I think
this
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 solution has more positive impacts than the negative
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one
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ones
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.
To begin
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 with,
businesses
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 in unpopulated areas can provide equal opportunities for residents to obtain employment. Until now,
people
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 from villages have believed that higher-paying jobs are only available in cities.
That is
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 why they flock to the
city
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, without adequate preparation
such
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 as where they will live and how they will manage transportation. If
businesses
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 are located in quieter towns, not only will
people
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 no longer need to go to the
city
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 to have a better life, but economic equality can
also
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 be achieved. Housing and traffic problems can be avoided because fewer
people
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 will move to the
city
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 and will
instead
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 choose to work in
businesses
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 closer to their homes.
In
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On
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 the other hand, some issues might
also
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may
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apply
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arise from the relocation of
businesses
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,
such
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 as environmental issues
due to
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 the clearing of new land and waste.
Moreoever
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Moreover
,
people
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 will
also
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 need to
addapt
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adapt
in
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to
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new
Add an article
a new
the new
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place
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places
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, both from the supplier side and the demand side, which
are
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is
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 the local
residence
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residents
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.
This
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 is why
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government
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the government
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 needs to be strict about the policy that will be applied
for
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to
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business
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owner
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owners
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. They have to make
rule
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rules
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 for them to be wise enough to run their
business
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 and not overdo using the natural
resouch
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resource
resources
 that can harm the environment.
To sum up
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,
This
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 problem requires more research because of its complexity.
However
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, it is not wrong to implement
one
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 of the
government
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's solutions, which is to distribute
business
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 locations more evenly so that all residents can have the same opportunities as
people
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 in the
city
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. It would be even better if the
government
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 took part in implementing
this
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 policy by creating policies that benefit both parties, namely
business
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 owners and rural areas,
as well as
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 for the sustainability of the environment.
Submitted by rizkaputri.arc on

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grammar
While the essay is well-structured, try to avoid small inaccuracies (e.g., 'One of the solution' should be 'One of the solutions'). Ensure that grammatical details are accurate for a higher score.
task
Ensure that your ideas are fully developed with more specific examples and evidence to illustrate your points. This will make your arguments more compelling and clear.
coherence
In some parts of the essay, transition words could be used to improve the flow between paragraphs and sections. Also, avoid repetition of ideas, such as the economic equality argument, which is mentioned multiple times.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting a coherent argument.
content
The ideas are quite relevant and address the prompt effectively. The author has considered both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a well-rounded perspective.
language
The language used is mostly clear and easy to understand, which helps convey the message effectively to the reader.
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