IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of people in Uk in 2004

#expenditure #three #categories #age #groups #people #uk
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The bar graph illustrates the spending on three different categories which are food and drink, restaurant and hotel, and entertainment among five different
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 of residents in the UK in 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 expenditure categories of people under 60 years of
age
Use synonyms
 were evenly distributed and included a significant percentage of spending on entertainment, the older generation's spending was more unevenly distributed. At
first,
Linking Words
the expenditure on ‘
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
 and
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
’ steadily
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
 as getting older.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is interesting that
this
Linking Words
 percentage is less than 15 % in every
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 ages 61 and 75
groups
Use synonyms
 have the lowest figures, approximately 2%. It is noteworthy that the food and drink spending reported less quantity in the under 30
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 other
groups
Use synonyms
 reported the first expenditure except for the 61 and 75
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
. Only two
groups
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 show significant changes in spending, recorded at over 20%. Those are the entertainment spending in the 61-75
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 and 'food and drink' spending in the over 76
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by kopopig on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, groups, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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