The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of people in Uk in 2004

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar graph illustrates the spending on three different categories which are food and drink, restaurant and hotel, and entertainment among five different
age
groups
of residents in the UK in 2004.
Overall
,
while
expenditure categories of people under 60 years of
age
were evenly distributed and included a significant percentage of spending on entertainment, the older generation's spending was more unevenly distributed. At
first,
the expenditure on ‘
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
and
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
’ steadily
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
as getting older.
Moreover
, it is interesting that
this
percentage is less than 15 % in every
age
group
,
while
ages 61 and 75
groups
have the lowest figures, approximately 2%. It is noteworthy that the food and drink spending reported less quantity in the under 30
age
group
,
while
other
groups
reported the first expenditure except for the 61 and 75
age
groups
. Only two
groups
show significant changes in spending, recorded at over 20%. Those are the entertainment spending in the 61-75
age
group
and 'food and drink' spending in the over 76
age
group
.
Submitted by kopopig on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, groups, group with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: