IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, personal growth of children is one of the important subjects, besides, people consider the way of development of their loved ones; some people believe learning at home is the better way while others think go to school is essential for all people. In This essay both views will be discussed.

#growth #children #subjects #people #development #ones #home #school
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On the
one
Use synonyms
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 a group of individuals believe teaching offspring at
school
Use synonyms
 is necessary. The most important
one
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 is learning at
school
Use synonyms
 can help
children
Use synonyms
 to adapt themselves
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 society for the future.
For instance
Linking Words
,
some
Correct your spelling
someone
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one
Use synonyms
 who has lived
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
home
Use synonyms
 for all of his or her
lifetime
Replace the word
life
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 is not ready to live in society because there are many types of people and he or she is not ready to meet them without any
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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.
Second,
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children
Use synonyms
 need to have friends and social
relation
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relations
show examples
 but it is scarce at
home
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 so they can not communicate with
any
Correct your spelling
anyone
show examples
one
Use synonyms
; in
Fix the agreement mistake
addition
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additions
Add a comma
additions,
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this
Linking Words
 subject can have
effect
Add an article
an effect
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 on
minds
Correct article usage
the minds
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 of the offspring.
Therefore
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, going to
school
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 and learning there has many benefits.
However
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,
on the other hand
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, some people think
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
show examples
 development at
home
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 is the best way.
Furthermore
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, they believe learning at
home
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 is more professional than
Use synonyms
school
Change preposition
in school
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 because classes are privet and
children
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 have complete communication with teachers.
Also
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, they can ask any questions and solve their problems easier.
In addition
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, in
this
Linking Words
 method offspring do not have to communicate with rude
children
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;
Therefore
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, they turn to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
polite and educated people. In
conclusions
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conclusion
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, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
show examples
 none
these
Change preposition
of these
show examples
 statements are wrong but
according to
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the corona
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corona virus
Correct your spelling
coronavirus
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epidemy
Correct your spelling
epidemic
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 experiences, educating at
home
Use synonyms
 without meeting friends is too boring;
furthermore
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, lack of social connections causes depression,
besides
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,
this
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 issue influences on
level
Add an article
the level
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 of understanding in classes.
Therefore
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, teaching
children
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
 is the best method of
educating
Replace the word
education
show examples
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, focus on expanding your ideas with more detailed examples and explanations. This will enhance the depth of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between your paragraphs. Using more transitional phrases can help connect your ideas better and improve overall coherence.
language
Pay attention to grammar and minor errors such as capitalization and punctuation mistakes. Refining these will make your writing more polished.
task achievement
The essay effectively covers both viewpoints, which is a good approach for a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear framework for the essay.
content
The points presented are relevant and valid, particularly the emphasis on social adaptation and the personalized attention offered through home schooling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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