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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the honey bee. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the honey bee. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The diagram illustrates how the cycle life of
honey
Add an article
a honey
the honey
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 bee.
Overall
Linking Words
 it can clearly be seen that there are six stages of the process which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
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 34-36
days
Use synonyms
. The life cycle begins with
eggs
Use synonyms
 and ends with maturity.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
eggs
Use synonyms
 of
bee
Correct article usage
a bee
show examples
 is expected to hatch in 9-10
days
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
nymphs
Use synonyms
 come out from the
eggs
Use synonyms
.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, it needs five
days
Use synonyms
 to
grew
Wrong verb form
grow
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become
Fix the infinitive
to become
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 the bigger
Use synonyms
nymphs
Fix the agreement mistake
nymph
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
nymphs
Use synonyms
 could get bigger in double than before in 7
days
Use synonyms
 and
days
Use synonyms
, respectively.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
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 that, the
nymphs
Use synonyms
 could moult three times as it grows. Regarding the rest stages,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young adult
of
Change preposition
apply
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honey bees require four
days
Use synonyms
 to
get
Verb problem
reach
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 maturity.
Thereafter
Linking Words
, it carries out reproduction that
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 female honey bees
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
produce one or two
eggs
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every three
days
Use synonyms
.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words days, eggs, nymphs with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life cycle
  • laying of eggs
  • queen bee
  • hatch into larvae
  • rapid growth
  • develop into pupae
  • significant transformation
  • emergence of the adult bee
  • matures fully
  • cyclical nature
  • colony’s survival
  • reproduction process
  • subsequent generations
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