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Band 4

In recent years a large number of highly professionals like doctors, engineers and IT professionals from poorer businesses are leaving their countries for developed countries for better-paying jobs. What are the possible problems of this and what solutions can you suggest to deal with this issue?

#years #professionals #doctors #engineers #businesses #countries #jobs
In recent years, we witnessed a significant immigration from developing countries to developed countries, in my point of view,
this
 is because of the low
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
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that
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 provided and the standard of living in developing areas. First of all, in order to have a successful job or business career you should work in a place that provides you with a variety of job
opportunities
 and improved economic systems,
However
, some places in the world
doesn't
Change the verb form
don't
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 have those
opportunities
 and wealth in it, which makes a large number of people to immigrate,
this
 results in a decrease in the number of efficient workers in the country, which makes it worse.
Furthermore
, despite the positive of emigrating to a
well developed
Add a hyphen
well-developed
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 place, if all people move to the same place to have a better life care and
opportunities
, the area that pupils moved to will be
over populated
Correct your spelling
overpopulated
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,which
this
makes
Wrong verb form
make
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 the city more crowded and will turn it to a developing country rather than developed, in my point of view, governments should collaborate and share the
opportunities
 between them and give financial support to developing countries to recover the economy. In conclusion, we should cooperate and assist each other with financial
soppurt
Correct your spelling
support
 to avoid overpopulated areas.
Submitted by yazanalt523 on

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task achievement
Work on expanding your ideas with more specific examples or evidence to make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure grammar and punctuation are correct to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to raise the sophistication of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Divide your essay into clear paragraphs: one for introduction, one for each main point, and one for the conclusion.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing the causes, potential problems, and solutions related to professionals leaving developing countries.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides an introduction and a conclusion, giving it a complete structure.
coherence cohesion
Your writing reflects a logical flow of ideas, making it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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