“Nowadays children are undisciplined because their parents are busy with their career.” To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What could parents do to build a sense of discipline among children?
The
kids
can have good behaviour
whether they are brought up by the parents or not. I disagree with the notion that children need the presence of the father and mother so as to have positive habits. Effective communication and being a good role model can build a sense of good behaviour
among the little ones.
To start with, parents need to be talking to their kids
oftenly
. Correct your spelling
often
This
may include explaining to them why they are supposed to behave in a particular manner or why a certain behavior
is not acceptable in a community and Change the spelling
behaviour
Correct article usage
the repercusions
repercusions
Correct your spelling
repercussions
of
not adhering to it. Change preposition
for
For example
, young boys and girls who are brought up in the children
orphanage are taught Change noun form
children's
on
how to be obedient and respectful to themselves and to other members of the community. Change preposition
apply
This
will help them to know what is expected of them.
Additionally
, the grown ups
need to portray a good picture to the young people because they will emulate what they see them doing. Add a hyphen
grown-ups
For instance
, a study done by the
students Correct article usage
apply
in
Cambridge University effects of older Change preposition
at
siblings
actions towards the Change noun form
siblings'
sibling's
kids'
in 2000, showed that they emulated what their elder Change noun form
kids
brother
were doing. Fix the agreement mistake
brothers
This
explains why words and actions are supposed to go hand in hand for better characters to be moulded.
In summary, i
am not of the opinion that Change the capitalization
I
kids
needs
parents for better Change the verb form
need
behaviour
. They only need positive communication and good role models to shape their behaviour
for a better future.Submitted by janenjeru6 on
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task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear position but could benefit from a stronger emphasis on the main points to be discussed in the essay. For example, briefly mention the importance of communication and role modeling.
task achievement
When supporting your points, ensure that you provide specific and detailed examples. The current example about orphanages is good but lacks specifics on how exactly the children were taught to be obedient and respectful.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical structure of your arguments by using linking words and phrases. This will help your ideas flow more naturally from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Include a brief conclusion that summarizes your main points and reinforces your stance. This helps in wrapping up your essay effectively.
task achievement
You've expressed your stance clearly and supported it with examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and a logical progression of ideas, which makes it easy to follow.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite