Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore working hours in offices and factories should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
As far as
technology
era has integrated Correct article usage
the technology
in
production industries there are many controversial opinions in terms of comparing it with labor work and replacing humans Change the preposition
into
with
to
robots. I definitely support the statement that employees should be decreased limitedly by Change preposition
with
businnes
owners. In Correct your spelling
business
this
essay
I will consider it from my own perspective.
Add a comma
essay,
Although
,
there are disadvantages related to job position replacements, I stand on the other side of those groups of people. First of all, society has to understand the point that the main distinguisher of success is a Remove the comma
apply
high quality
product. Every single businessman realises dependency Add a hyphen
high-quality
of
robotsChange preposition
on
,
if they wish to produce the highest quality stuff Remove the comma
apply
according to
required standards. In my own example, when my manager decided to purchase a paint booth equipment to paint embedded items for concrete works, our company has
increased Unnecessary verb
apply
to
speed up to 3 times Fix the infinitive
apply
as well as
painting
coat layer Correct article usage
the painting
has become
even greater because of Wrong verb form
became
this
innovative technology, so we had to reduce a
number of paint workers from 100 to 50 with the same profit, quality and productivity.
Change the article
the
On the other hand
, there are two essential aspects of automation such
as a
cost and risks. If a factory’s production capacity is the same without Correct article usage
apply
certain
amount of employees, why should an employer save the wage payments? The less you pay, the higher Add an article
a certain
chance
to improve the manufacturing process through investments in other Correct article usage
the chance
ares
like education of robot operators, software, safety equipment, Correct your spelling
areas
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
ect
.
The safety Correct your spelling
etc
first,
so many jobs requests
particular machines to work on positions in some Correct subject-verb agreement
request
hazard
waste factories, nuclear power plants and other dangerous fields.
Replace the word
hazardous
To conclude
, I a hundred percent
agree that robots have to take over human Change the spelling
per cent
being
in certain jobs, but I know it is not Fix the agreement mistake
beings
popular
opinion in society nowadays. At Add an article
a popular
first,
we should focus on progress, economic reason and safety and then
pay attention to disadvantaged
sides of it.Correct article usage
the disadvantaged
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively, and you have provided relevant examples to support your points. However, there are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that can be improved for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which helps to structure your essay well. However, make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and connects smoothly to the next paragraph. Transitional phrases could be used more effectively.
task achievement
Your use of personal examples adds authenticity and relevance to your argument.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay nicely.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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