IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the data of five portions of fruit and vegetables eaten by children, males and females per day in the UK between 2001 and 2008.

The bar chart shows the data of five portions of fruit and vegetables eaten by children, males and females per day in the UK between 2001 and 2008.
The bar chart illustrates information about the percentage of individuals who consume five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the United Kingdom in the
years
Use synonyms
 2001 to 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
 it can be seen that from starting
year
Use synonyms
 women had a huge audience to eat
such
Linking Words
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of food as
children
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 and it has steadily increased throughout the time period.
Men
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
 had shown similar patterns of
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
. In the
years
Use synonyms
 2001 to 2003 the percentage of eating
this
Linking Words
 food was steady for
men
Use synonyms
 over 15 per cent and for
children
Use synonyms
 it exceeded 10 per cent. For another three
Use synonyms
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 there was a gradual increase in the
men
Use synonyms
 group after which it slightly declined
last
Linking Words
 two
years
Use synonyms
. The portion of
children
Use synonyms
 who consumed fruit and vegetables had
also
Linking Words
 a similar
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 and decrease seen only in the
year
Use synonyms
 2008. Women have always been superior to other groups when it comes to eating fruit and vegetables. Consuming
this
Linking Words
 food
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 more and more throughout the
year
Use synonyms
 and reached its peak in the
year
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2006
Change preposition
at
show examples
just over
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
30 per cent. Between the
years
Use synonyms
 2007 and 2008,
this
Linking Words
 group faced small drops, but they still saved their spot
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the top.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words years, year, children, men with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumption trends
  • Demographics
  • Public health campaigns
  • Per capita
  • Consumption patterns
  • Nutritional intake
  • Statistical analysis
  • Dietary habits
  • Health recommendations
  • Daily servings
What to do next:
Look at other essays: