IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The figure below provide information on the number of people per 100,000 found guilty of reckless driving offences in Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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Introduction
The line graph compares the number of
people
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 per 10
thousands
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thousand
show examples
 by
age
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group
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 in terms of adjudication for dangerous
driving related
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driving-related
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 offences between 2006 and 2007 in Australia.
Body · 1
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest
rate
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 of all reckless driving offences in Australia was
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people
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among people
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 between 20 and 24
age
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group
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. Except
speeding
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for speeding
show examples
,
people
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 between
45
Correct article usage
the 45
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 and 49
age
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group
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 reached the lowest proportion. Meanwhile, the lowest level
about
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of
show examples
 speeding was
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people
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for people
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 between 15 and 19 years old.
Body · 2
In regard to exceeding the legal alcohol limit,
people
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 between
20
Correct article usage
the 20
show examples
 and 24
age
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group
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 reached the highest
rate
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 of approximately 900
thousands
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thousand
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
people
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 between
45
Correct article usage
the 45
show examples
 and 49
age
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group
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 experienced the lowest proportion. Meanwhile, driving under the influence represented the highest point of
near
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nearly
show examples
 400
thousands
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thousand
show examples
 between 20 and 24
age
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group
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,
whereas
Linking Words
people
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 between 45 and 49
age
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group
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 demonstrated the lowest level of roughly 100
thousand
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.
Conclusion
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 dangerous or negligent driving,
people
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 between
20
Correct article usage
the 20
show examples
 and 24
age
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group
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 showed a high
rate
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 of 400
thousand
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,
while
Linking Words
people
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 between
45
Correct article usage
the 45
show examples
 and 49
age
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group
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 appeared
a
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at a
show examples
low point of about 100
thousand
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. Meanwhile,
people
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 between
15
Correct article usage
the 15
show examples
 and 19
age
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group
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 indicated
the
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a
show examples
lowes
Correct your spelling
low
show examples
rate
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 of around 100
thousand
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 about speeding,
whereas
Linking Words
people
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 between
20
Correct article usage
the 20
show examples
 and 24
age
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group
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 illustrated a high level of approximately 300
thousand
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.

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task achievement
Clarify and ensure the accuracy of data: The graph describes people per 100,000 but your essay mixes these figures with ‘thousands,' which significantly alters the meaning and clarity.
task achievement
Improve comparative analysis: While you made some comparisons, providing a clear relative context for each data point mentioned would elevate the analysis.
coherence cohesion
Reorganize structure: Ensure that the essay follows a logical structure and consider merging similar data points for coherence.
coherence cohesion
Include a conclusion: Summarize the key trends and insights to give the essay a clear ending.
task achievement
Attempt to cover all categories shown: The essay does touch upon all provided data points in the graph, which is good.
coherence cohesion
Clear main idea: Despite some inaccuracies, the overall idea is clear—comparing age groups concerning reckless driving offences.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overall trend
  • time periods
  • significant changes
  • spike
  • drop
  • highlight
  • speculate
  • comparison
  • fluctuations
  • demographic differences
  • regional differences
  • implications
  • public policy
  • road safety measures
  • current measures
  • future improvements
  • data analysis
  • reckless driving offences
  • guilty
  • Australia
  • per 100,000
  • main features
  • selecting and reporting
  • relevant comparisons
What to do next:
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