The figure below provide information on the number of people per 100,000 found guilty of reckless driving offences in Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph compares the number of
people
per 10 thousands
by Change to singular
thousand
age
group
in terms of adjudication for dangerous driving related
offences between 2006 and 2007 in Australia.
Add a hyphen
driving-related
Overall
, the highest rate
of all reckless driving offences in Australia was people
between 20 and 24 Change preposition
among people
age
group
. Except speeding
, Change preposition
for speeding
people
between 45
and 49 Correct article usage
the 45
age
group
reached the lowest proportion. Meanwhile, the lowest level about
speeding was Change preposition
of
people
between 15 and 19 years old.
In regard to exceeding the legal alcohol limit, Change preposition
for people
people
between 20
and 24 Correct article usage
the 20
age
group
reached the highest rate
of approximately 900 thousands
, Change to singular
thousand
while
people
between 45
and 49 Correct article usage
the 45
age
group
experienced the lowest proportion. Meanwhile, driving under the influence represented the highest point of near
400 Change the word
nearly
thousands
between 20 and 24 Change to singular
thousand
age
group
, whereas
people
between 45 and 49 age
group
demonstrated the lowest level of roughly 100 thousand
.
Furthermore
, according to
dangerous or negligent driving, people
between 20
and 24 Correct article usage
the 20
age
group
showed a high rate
of 400 thousand
, while
people
between 45
and 49 Correct article usage
the 45
age
group
appeared a
low point of about 100 Change preposition
at a
thousand
. Meanwhile, people
between 15
and 19 Correct article usage
the 15
age
group
indicated the
Correct article usage
a
lowes
Correct your spelling
low
rate
of around 100 thousand
about speeding, whereas
people
between 20
and 24 Correct article usage
the 20
age
group
illustrated a high level of approximately 300 thousand
.Submitted by wang1sh1ng on
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task achievement
Clarify and ensure the accuracy of data: The graph describes people per 100,000 but your essay mixes these figures with ‘thousands,' which significantly alters the meaning and clarity.
task achievement
Improve comparative analysis: While you made some comparisons, providing a clear relative context for each data point mentioned would elevate the analysis.
coherence cohesion
Reorganize structure: Ensure that the essay follows a logical structure and consider merging similar data points for coherence.
coherence cohesion
Include a conclusion: Summarize the key trends and insights to give the essay a clear ending.
task achievement
Attempt to cover all categories shown: The essay does touch upon all provided data points in the graph, which is good.
coherence cohesion
Clear main idea: Despite some inaccuracies, the overall idea is clear—comparing age groups concerning reckless driving offences.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.