IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The figure below provide information on the number of people per 100,000 found guilty of reckless driving offences in Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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The line graph compares the number of
people
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 per 10
thousands
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thousand
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 by
age
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group
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 in terms of adjudication for dangerous
driving related
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driving-related
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 offences between 2006 and 2007 in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest
rate
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 of all reckless driving offences in Australia was
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people
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among people
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 between 20 and 24
age
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group
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. Except
speeding
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for speeding
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,
people
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 between
45
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the 45
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 and 49
age
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group
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 reached the lowest proportion. Meanwhile, the lowest level
about
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of
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 speeding was
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people
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for people
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 between 15 and 19 years old. In regard to exceeding the legal alcohol limit,
people
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 between
20
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the 20
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 and 24
age
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group
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 reached the highest
rate
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 of approximately 900
thousands
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thousand
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,
while
Linking Words
people
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 between
45
Correct article usage
the 45
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 and 49
age
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group
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 experienced the lowest proportion. Meanwhile, driving under the influence represented the highest point of
near
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nearly
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 400
thousands
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thousand
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 between 20 and 24
age
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group
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,
whereas
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people
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 between 45 and 49
age
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group
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 demonstrated the lowest level of roughly 100
thousand
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.
Furthermore
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,
according to
Linking Words
 dangerous or negligent driving,
people
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 between
20
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the 20
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 and 24
age
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group
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 showed a high
rate
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 of 400
thousand
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,
while
Linking Words
people
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 between
45
Correct article usage
the 45
show examples
 and 49
age
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group
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 appeared
a
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at a
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low point of about 100
thousand
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. Meanwhile,
people
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 between
15
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the 15
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 and 19
age
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group
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 indicated
the
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a
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lowes
Correct your spelling
low
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rate
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 of around 100
thousand
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 about speeding,
whereas
Linking Words
people
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 between
20
Correct article usage
the 20
show examples
 and 24
age
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group
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 illustrated a high level of approximately 300
thousand
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.

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task achievement
Clarify and ensure the accuracy of data: The graph describes people per 100,000 but your essay mixes these figures with ‘thousands,' which significantly alters the meaning and clarity.
task achievement
Improve comparative analysis: While you made some comparisons, providing a clear relative context for each data point mentioned would elevate the analysis.
coherence cohesion
Reorganize structure: Ensure that the essay follows a logical structure and consider merging similar data points for coherence.
coherence cohesion
Include a conclusion: Summarize the key trends and insights to give the essay a clear ending.
task achievement
Attempt to cover all categories shown: The essay does touch upon all provided data points in the graph, which is good.
coherence cohesion
Clear main idea: Despite some inaccuracies, the overall idea is clear—comparing age groups concerning reckless driving offences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overall trend
  • time periods
  • significant changes
  • spike
  • drop
  • highlight
  • speculate
  • comparison
  • fluctuations
  • demographic differences
  • regional differences
  • implications
  • public policy
  • road safety measures
  • current measures
  • future improvements
  • data analysis
  • reckless driving offences
  • guilty
  • Australia
  • per 100,000
  • main features
  • selecting and reporting
  • relevant comparisons
What to do next:
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