IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

ou work for an international company, and would like to spend six months working in its head office in another country. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: explain why you want to work in the company’s head office for six months say how your work could be done while you are away ask for his/her help in arranging it,

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Dear Sir, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to request you, to allow me
work
Add the particle
to work
show examples
 in our main branch
around
Change preposition
for around
show examples
 6 months.
Initially
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, my name is John Edward and I
am
Wrong verb form
have been
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 working as a Technical designer in
this
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 company,
since
Change preposition
for
show examples
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 two years.
Moreover
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, I saw our
office
Use synonyms
 notice chart, that informed one
well talented
Add a hyphen
well-talented
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 software designer required in main
brach
Correct your spelling
branch
show examples
office
Use synonyms
 to give training to the employees who are working in head
office
Use synonyms
.
Hence
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, I request you, to recommend my name in
this
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 task.
However
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, if I worked in
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
office
Use synonyms
,
there
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 would be possible for my job promotion
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
next year.
Furthermore
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, I will prepare all my job responsibilities and handover
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
to
Change preposition
over to
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 one of my
colleague
Change to a plural noun
colleagues
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, during my absence that colleague will take care. If any queries, kindly contact my
personel
Correct your spelling
personal
personnel
 number and email.
Also
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, I can
available
Add a missing verb
be available
show examples
 any time for
online
Add an article
an online
the online
show examples
 meeting.
Finally
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, as a
manger
Correct your spelling
manager
show examples
 of
this
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 region, kindly consider my profile for
this
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 task. If I get
this
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oppurtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 that should be very useful to enhance my
carrer
Correct your spelling
career
. Yours Faithfully, John Edward

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coherence cohesion
While the letter covers the main points, ensure each paragraph focuses clearly on one idea or purpose. For example, separate the request to work in the head office from the explanation of how work will be managed during your absence.
coherence cohesion
Your letter is mostly clear and logically structured. Strengthen it by breaking down complex sentences and ensuring clarity in all parts. For instance, rephrase the first sentence for better readability: 'I am writing to request a six-month assignment to our main branch.'
task achievement
Pay attention to language accuracy. While minor errors don't impact the score significantly, refining expressions and checking for grammatical issues will enhance clarity and professionalism. For instance, 'I will prepare all my job responsibilities' can be improved to 'I will organize and delegate my job responsibilities.'
task achievement
You addressed all parts of the prompt and provided a clear explanation for your request, how your work could be managed in your absence, and asked for assistance. Well done!
task achievement
The tone of the letter is polite and suitable for a request to a manager, which is appropriate and professional.
coherence cohesion
The letter has a good logical flow overall, which makes it easy to understand the main points.
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