Some people say job satisfaction is more important than job security. Othersthink people cannot always enjoy their jobs, so having a permanent job is more important.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

According to
some people,
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
salary
is much
important
Correct quantifier usage
more important
show examples
than
job
satisfaction
.
Although
it is undoubtedly the significance of
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
, I firmly believe that choosing only jobs with a higher
salary
would be a mistake.
Job
satisfaction
is
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
of the goals that we should achieve in life.
Initially
, career contentment gives people
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self-
satisfaction
and fulfilment. Thereby, it will
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
to prodictive creativity,
on the other hand
choosing
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
Salary
over
job
satisfaction
may result in not living comfortably based on inferiority and
luck
Correct your spelling
lack
show examples
of belonging, and
this
person will end up unhappy.
Therefore
, choosing a
job
you're
pasionate
Correct your spelling
passionate
about is a necessity for happiness and gratification,
for
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
some employees work in a company they like they choose
this
job
based
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
their personal interests,
therefore
, they produce with more creativity and devotion with love to the profession, and
this
leads to psychological
satisfaction
and earning more money,
this
is the elements we should give more consideration to for better outcomes.
Furthermore
,
job
satisfaction
results a career growth, being content can produce creative productivity and
increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
show examples
the number of daily productions,
therefore
, success and
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
salary
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
guaranteed.
Moreover
, there is a strong relationship between
job
satisfaction
and productivity,
this
is because people
who's
Change the verb form
who are
show examples
passionate about their jobs work better and achieve better
useing
Correct your spelling
using
their ardent for their work as fuel,
for instance
, a person who just started a business if he loves his own
job
, Consequences, he will be successful in his field. In conclusion, I agree with the opinion of the importance of choosing
job
satisfaction
as a career path, because it flourishes in you psychologically and physically and guarantees you professional success.
Submitted by Ayreen🍒 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states the question being discussed. Your introduction can be confusing as it starts with a somewhat different idea about high salary vs. job satisfaction instead of job satisfaction vs. job security.
task achievement
Work on providing more examples or evidence to support your main points. It will help in making your argument stronger and more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are long and slightly convoluted. Breaking them into shorter sentences can make your arguments clearer.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread for grammatical errors and typos. For example, ‘luck of belonging’ should be ‘lack of belonging’, and ‘useing’ should be ‘using’. These errors can affect the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
More effective paragraphing can help in better laying out your ideas in a structured manner. Consider using separate paragraphs for different points about job satisfaction and related benefits.
task achievement
You demonstrate a clear understanding of the importance of job satisfaction, and your argument is generally well-reasoned.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is strong and summarizes your main points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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