Should education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government, or should it be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services?
It is
development
Correct article usage
a development
country
’s growth largely depends on how educated and healthy its citizens are . The burgeoning population and the lack of funds often make harder
for the authority to bear the expenses of their needs , especially in Correct pronoun usage
it harder
education
, housing and treatment. I believe that an effective solution would be to divide the expenditures between the government
and the individuals.
To begin
with , education
, nowadays, plays a vital role in the development of society not only created
Wrong verb form
creating
jobs
opportunities Change the noun form
job
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
help
people become aware of the Wrong verb form
helping
Scion - economic
issue of the Correct your spelling
socio-economic
country
.Making education
free till the age of 18 would encourage the pupils to finished
their least secondary Change the form of the verb
finish
education
. For instance
, the percentage enrollment for school in 2023 in my country
increased by 20% than that of 2022 , and it was because the government
exempted fees for student
in Fix the agreement mistake
students
these lesson
.
Change the determiner
this lesson
these lessons
Moreover
, the healthcare system can also
be improve
by providing either health insurance or schemes that cover a minimum of 50 Change the verb form
be improved
percent
of Change the spelling
per cent
cost
. Add an article
the cost
Thus
people would not feel that healthcare is expensive while
the Correct word choice
and
government
would not need to bear the expense alone . A healthier nation can help the country
achieve greater heights as citizens in such
countries are more productive. Consequently
, the economic growths
Fix the agreement mistake
growth
bosltered
and the Correct your spelling
bolstered
government
would be able to self- reliant
.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
self-reliant
i
completely agree that all the Change the capitalization
I
government
in our world should have funds to support their people Fix the agreement mistake
governments
that
significant for Correct word choice
apply
education
and healthcare that
the Correct word choice
so that
country
will be more developing in future.Submitted by viewsoysoongnern on
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Coherence/Cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Use more transition words and phrases to link ideas smoothly.
Coherence/Cohesion
Revise and edit the essay to correct grammatical and spelling errors. This will help improve clarity and coherence.
Coherence/Cohesion
Make sure that the introduction clearly states your position and previews the main points of your essay.
Coherence/Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and stays focused on a single idea or point.
Task Achievement
You have addressed both aspects of the given topic, discussing both education and healthcare.
Task Achievement
You provided specific statistics to support your point about education, which strengthens your argument.
Coherence/Cohesion
The essay contains a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.