Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal informations such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. discuss both views and include your opinion.
Some people argue that many companies want to know private
information
about individuals who are applying for their jobs
. While
others think that it is important to know everything about employees
. This
essay totally disagrees with this
statement because everyone has to keep this
personal information
secret and doing
their job.
On the one hand, employers think they will control their Wrong verb form
do
work
by knowing everything about their employees
, because if they know what their workers like they will put them in teams according to
their personality, this
will make them work
fast and make good progress. For example
, when some employees
like reading books their company will put them in one group to do some researches
. Fix the agreement mistake
research
However
, this
essay disagrees with this
because they can do some tests to know their personality without known
their personal Wrong verb form
knowing
information
.
On the other hand
, the employees
responsible
for doing their Add a missing verb
are responsible
jobs
at the workplace and do not let their personal life effect
their Replace the word
affect
work
, so the company do not allow them to know anything about their workers outside their jobs
, For example
, a recent study found that if employees
keep their personal informations
and their Change the wording
information
pieces of information
lifes
away from their works they do better than others who talk about their life at the Correct your spelling
lives
work
. I completely agree with this
.
In conclusion, even though companies can ask poeply
who Correct your spelling
people
applying
for Wrong verb form
apply
jobs
about their hobbies and personal state , they should not do this
and keep their personal informationinformations
Correct your spelling
information information
hide
. It is Wrong verb form
hidden
recoomeneded
that Correct your spelling
recommended
doing
Wrong verb form
do
test
to know their personality without knowing much Add an article
a test
the test
information
about their lives.Submitted by saja.alotaibi on
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task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement directly addresses the essay question and is clear about your stance. For instance, instead of saying 'This essay totally disagrees with this statement,' clarify which statement you're referring to.
task achievement
Improve clarity by breaking complex sentences into simpler ones. This helps in avoiding confusion and presenting clear, comprehensive ideas.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen coherence by using transition words and phrases more effectively, such as 'Firstly,' 'In addition,' 'Moreover,' 'However,' and 'In conclusion.' This helps guide the reader through your argument logically.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to punctuation and grammar. This can significantly improve the readability and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
You presented both views and included your opinion, as required.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You used relevant examples to support your points, which adds credibility to your argument.
task achievement
You've made a good attempt to address the topic and provide a balanced view.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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