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Band 5.5

It is not necessary for people to travel to other places and learn about their culture. We can learn as much as from books, film and television. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #travel #places #culture #books #film #television
Some people say
that
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
travelling to another foreign
country
 is not the only way to learn about the
country
's culture. They say that we can learn from books, movies and series. I believe it is true and I do agree with that. In
this
 essay, I am going to write the reasons why I agree with
this
 statement. First of all, people nowadays spend half of their time watching movies and series.
Therefore
, it is so easy to learn about other places and
country
's cultures by watching.
For example
, we can see that many people now watch Turkish dramas or Korean series,
you
Correct word choice
and you
show examples
 will know so many things about their traditions before going to that
country
. Simply because they make it so obvious to us the watchers, what they like and do not like, how they expect you to treat them, the language they speak and so many more things. Books
In addition
 to that, books can make you swim in other places, you can tell so much about the place you would like to travel to by reading about it, especially if you are a reader, you will enjoy it and learn at the same time which I find quite fun.
To conclude
, travelling is not the only way to learn about other place's lifestyles, cultures and traditions. If you like to travel absolutely go for it.
However
, you can simply enjoy reading about it or watching movies if you are a fan of that too.
Submitted by a-l-a-a-11 on

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task achievement
Provide more in-depth support for your main points. For example, discuss some drawbacks of learning about culture only through media to create a more balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to link your paragraphs more effectively. Using transitional phrases will enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of phrases and ideas. For instance, the idea about learning from movies and books can be consolidated.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Provided relevant examples particularly about Turkish dramas and Korean series.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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