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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The shown bar chart provides data on the total quantity of minutes of telephone calls in the United Kingdom between 1995 and 2002. The calls are divided into three categories and are denoted in billions.

The shown bar chart provides data on the total quantity of minutes of telephone calls in the United Kingdom between 1995 and 2002. The calls are divided into three categories and are denoted in billions.
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The graph below
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 compares the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
minutes
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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people
of
Change preposition
in
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United
Correct article usage
the United
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 Kingdom spend on phone calls. The information is measured from 1995 to 2002 and in three categories as following: national and international, local and
mobiles
Fix the agreement mistake
mobile
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, as it is obvious the spending
minutes
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
on
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 local telephone calls is more than two other categories in all over the shown period.
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 the time of calls by mobiles is lower than others.
Although
Linking Words
 the
minutes
Use synonyms
 of fixed line in
local
Add an article
the local
a local
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 category have fluctuation, the mobiles and fixed line in
national
Add an article
the national
a national
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 and international
category
Fix the agreement mistake
categories
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 have a steady growth,
as a consequence
Linking Words
, they peaked
by
Change preposition
at
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 about 60 and 50
minutes
Use synonyms
 in 2002 respectively. In the first
of
Change preposition
apply
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compared period, the spending time on local calls was about 70 billion
minutes
Use synonyms
 and it saw a significant rise to
reached
Change the form of the verb
reach
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 about 90 billion
minutes
Use synonyms
 in 1999, but after that, it started to decrease and recorded about 70 billion
minutes
Use synonyms
 in 2002.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words minutes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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