IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You have recently started work in a new company. Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter explain why you changed jobs describe your new job tell him/her your other news

#work #company #friend #jobs #job #news
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I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to inform you that
i
Change the capitalization
I
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decide
Wrong verb form
decided
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 to leave my current work and seek another opportunity, and
i
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I
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 was wondering if you could
helf
Correct your spelling
help
 me with
this
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 task
bast
Correct your spelling
based
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 on your great experience. on the
first
Correct word choice
other
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 hand, I had to leave my current occupation
gaining
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to gain
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 the experience
i
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I
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 needed.
In addition
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 to that,
i
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I
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 did not find it
luctractive
Correct your spelling
attractive
 from a financial perspective
qonsequently
Correct your spelling
consequently
, I suffered each
mont
Correct your spelling
month
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 to pay my bills.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, based on our relationship
i
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I
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 understand that you already know
that
Correct word choice
what
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i
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I
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 need.
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Accordingly
Add a comma
Accordingly,
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i
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I
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 want a job which can fulfil my
pashion
Correct your spelling
passion
 and increase my knowledge.
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Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 get a bigger salary to
inprove
Correct your spelling
improve
 my current standard of living. For sure any job in a financial institution will be suitable. By the and, I hope to hear from you soon, and I will read in the back of
this
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 letter my new address and phone number so we can get
contact
Change preposition
in contact
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. Best Regard SAPARWADI.
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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task response
The letter should clearly explain why you changed jobs, describe the new job, and include other news. Make sure each part is addressed comprehensively and clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the overall structure by ensuring each paragraph covers a single idea. Group related information together logically.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the letter has a clear beginning, middle, and end. Use paragraphs to separate different points to make it easier to read.
task response
You have expressed your reasons for changing jobs and the qualities you seek in your new position.
suitable writing tone
The tone of the letter is friendly and appropriate for writing to a friend.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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