Some people believe that elderly employees are more useful to a company, while others believe that young employees are better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
Some argue that older staff play more important roles in an institution's success than the younger, strategic planning, which are vital to help make
while
others assume that the youth are more crucial. Although
it is undeniable that young generations might have great contributions to the achievement of an organization, I believe that the
seniors always have Correct article usage
apply
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
impacts
on a firm's accomplishment.
On the Fix the agreement mistake
impact
one
hand, there is no doubt that a huge number of a company's fulfilments are achieved directly by junior employees' dynamism and creation. In a super competitive market nowadays, just enterprises with human resources that are full of energy and ingenuity, which are advantages of the youth, may be easier to attain victory. For example
, Apple is one
of the most successful corporations in the world, and dynamic as well as
innovative staff are among the essential elements that make them become giant
. Fix the agreement mistake
giants
However
, I am convinced that seniors' contributions to the prosperity of a business may far outweigh that
of young ones.
Correct determiner usage
those
On the other hand
, elderly employees play an extremely crucial and sometimes unreplaceable role in development orientation,Correct word choice
and
one
venture growth stably
. All over the world, most leaders of not only a lot of associations but Replace the word
grow stable
also
governments are the older generations because the citizens and stock holders
believe that they have rich experience, broad knowledge, stable personality and wide enough relationships to help the company develop sustainably. Correct your spelling
stockholders
For instance
, when I was a sales and purchasing manager of an agriculture import - export
corporation, I used to have business Correct your spelling
import-export
relationship
with hundreds of global company managers and about 70% of them Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
are
from 30 to 60 years old, just around 30% of managers are under 30. So, I am definitely sure that Wrong verb form
were
the
Correct article usage
apply
olders
are a better choice for an institution's success, and they are Correct your spelling
older
also
experienced enough to support young generations to fulfill their tasks.
In conclusion, despite the fact that early-carreer
staff are absolutely dynamic and have a lot of new ideas Correct your spelling
early career
to
worth being the future of Change preposition
apply
one
business entity, I am persuaded that experienced personnel are of greater importance to one
venture.Submitted by hoangdaosales on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
grammar
Avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings to improve clarity. For example, change 'fulfilments' to 'achievements' and 'may be easier to attain victory' to 'may find it easier to succeed.'
content
Develop a clearer comparison between the roles of young and elderly employees throughout the essay, keeping the analysis of their contributions balanced.
coherence
Strengthen the coherence by ensuring all points flow logically from one to the next. For instance, the transition between discussing young employees and elderly employees could be smoother.
structure
Your essay has a clear and logical structure with a solid introduction and conclusion.
content
You provide relevant examples to support your main points, which is excellent in illustrating your arguments.
language
The use of varied sentence structures keeps the essay engaging and demonstrates a good command of English.