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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Band 6+: The pie chart shows the percentage of reasons why people are homeless in the UK.

Band 6+: The pie chart shows the percentage of reasons why people are homeless in the UK.
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The pie chart shows the reasons
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for
homelessness
Use synonyms
 and the percentage of each section in the UK.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the most vital factor of
homelessness
Use synonyms
 is the
loss
Use synonyms
 of accommodation with relatives and friends.
Additionally
Linking Words
, mortgage and rent arrears
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
are rated as the least important factor in the reasons
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for
homelessness
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is apparent that the
loss
Use synonyms
 of accommodation with relatives and friends is accountable for 34% of
homelessness
Use synonyms
 in the UK, which is the most significant reason
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
homelessness
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
relationship breakdowns is the second highest in the UK, which is 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 below that of the
loss
Use synonyms
 of accommodation with relatives and friends(24%).
In contrast
Linking Words
, the lowest proportion
is belong
Change the verb form
belongs
show examples
 to mortgage and rent arrears, at only 9%. As you can see from the chart, the
loss
Use synonyms
 of tenancy represents 13% of
homelessness
Use synonyms
, which is approximately similar to the other reasons(19%).

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words homelessness, loss with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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