IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of people by age group visiting the cinema at least once per month in one particular country between 1978 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of people by age group visiting the cinema at least once per month in one particular country between 1978 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given line graph illustrates the proportion of people by
age
Use synonyms
 group who went to the cinema at least once a month in a country over 30
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
 starting in 1978. At first glance, it is visible that the percentage of 14-
24 years old
Correct your spelling
24-year-old
 people was the highest among all categories. Interestingly, almost
ages
Correct determiner usage
all ages
show examples
 experienced an upward trend with the exception of
age
Use synonyms
 14-24 and
age
Use synonyms
 25-34. In 1978, regarding
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 14-24 and
age
Use synonyms
 25-34, was about 91% and 80% respectively.
Although
Linking Words
 the rate of
age
Use synonyms
 14-24
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 a peak of 91% in the first year of the data, it still remained stable and dropped to 85% by 2008.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the second-highest rate was the proportion of people who were
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of 25 to 34 went down significantly and recovered immediately after 1998, and reached 75% in 2008.
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 rest of
data
Correct article usage
the data
show examples
, specifically the figures for cinema visitors who were
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of 25 to 34
is
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 similar to the
last
Linking Words
 figures. It had a different starting point in 1978, with 60% for
age
Use synonyms
 35-49 and 41% for
age
Use synonyms
 50+;
nonetheless
Linking Words
, it both witnessed a slight decline by 1988 and climbed up again, surprisingly, it
stop
Wrong verb form
stopped
show examples
rised
Correct your spelling
rising
 and kept stable until 2008.
Finally
Linking Words
, in relation to
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 35-49 and
age
Use synonyms
 50+,
reaching
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 approximately 65% and 55% respectively by 2008.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: