IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that government is wasting money on arts and this money could better spend elsewhere to text and do you agree with this video?

#people #government #money #arts #text #video
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It is argued by most of the individuals that investment in artwork is unfruitful. The government funds should be better used on other options like technology , and science, I disagree with
this
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 notion because these artistic things exhibit the past legacy and cultural heritage of any nation. The main argument in support of my disagreement is that any type of
art
Use synonyms
such
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 as historic buildings, paintings, plays folk dance
and
Correct word choice
apply
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songs etc.
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 cultural heritage and past glory. In order to stay connected to the roots and preserve cultural patrimony, it is imperative to spend some
money
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 on arts.
Moreover
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,
art
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 is a powerful source
for
Change preposition
of
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 social change.
For instance
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, people can convey a good message
to
Change preposition
through
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 arts like plays on female foeticide have helped in the decrease of child killing.
Furthermore
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,
art
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 is a great source of entertainment when a person is feeling low, it helps to recover from negative emotions.
In addition
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 to it,
art
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 is a good source of revenue.
For example
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,
Taj
Correct article usage
the Taj
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 Mahal is one of the seven wonders of the world.
Hence
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, plenty of people come to visit
this
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 site, which gives a boost to the local business and helps in
economic
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the economic
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 growth of the country.
Therefore
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, using
money
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 on
art
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 is not a waste of
money
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instead
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 it is an investment for which you pay a little and get lots of benefits In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
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 government should spend
money
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 on
art
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, as it is not a waste.It brings history and culture together
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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changes the way people think, and importantly
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
brings revenues to the country
Submitted by jalpreetjelly79 on

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task response
Enhance the introduction by clearly stating your position and briefly outlining the points you'll discuss in the body of the essay.
task response
Improve sentence structure and grammar accuracy. Focus on using more varied sentence forms and ensuring grammatical correctness.
task response
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant examples. This will enhance the clarity and richness of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include clear and concise topic sentences to help improve the logical flow of your essay and to make your argumentation more prominent.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices and transition words to link ideas within and between paragraphs smoothly.
task response
You have included several relevant examples to support your points, such as the importance of the Taj Mahal and plays on female foeticide.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your argument, reinforcing your stance on the issue.
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