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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts display the spending habits of people in UK in 1971 and 2001. Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data.

The pie charts display the spending habits of people in UK in 1971 and 2001. Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data.
The charts below
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
Correct article usage
the pay
show examples
pay out
Correct your spelling
payout
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 habits of
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 in the United Kingdom in 1971 and 30 years later.
Overall
Linking Words
, in 30 years
preferences
Correct article usage
the preferences
show examples
 of
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
 changed. 3 decades ago individuals spent the biggest amount of money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 food and the least portion
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 computers, meanwhile in 2001 the biggest part of
cash
Add an article
the cash
show examples
 was paid out for cars and
smallest
Correct article usage
the smallest
show examples
 amount
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 books.
Firstly
Linking Words
, In 1971 people in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 spent 44% of
cash
Correct pronoun usage
their cash
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 food and only 2
per
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
cents
Fix the agreement mistake
cent
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 computers, which is the smallest part of
spent
Correct article usage
the spent
show examples
 money. In
this
Linking Words
 year 6% of all
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
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 was for books and 7% for restaurants. From other
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
spendings
Add a comma
spendings,
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 10%
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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expended
Verb problem
spent
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for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 petrol and 22%
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 cars.
Secondly
Linking Words
, 3 decades later people’s preferences changed. Only 1% of
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 budget was for books and 12 per
Use synonyms
cents
Fix the agreement mistake
cent
show examples
 for
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
.
Biggest
Add an article
The biggest
show examples
 amount of money was spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 cars,
whereas
Linking Words
 other sections have similar
per
Correct your spelling
percentages
show examples
cents
Use synonyms
. For furniture and petrol
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent 8%
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
Linking Words
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
 budget
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and for food and restaurants 14
per
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cents
Use synonyms

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cents with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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