The chart below shows the percentage of adults of different ages in the UK who used the Internet every day from 2003-2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of adults of different ages in the UK who used the Internet every day from 2003-2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart illustrates the
rate
of
internet
usage by individuals in the UK in various age groups (16-24, 25-44, 45-54, 55-64 and 65+
years
old) for the period of four
years
, from 2003 to 2006.
Overall
,
it is clear that
individuals
within
Change preposition
between
show examples
16-24
years
old are the highest proportion of
internet
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
compared to the other age groups every
year
.
In addition
, the number of
internet
users
between the ages of 25-44 and 45-54 showed an upward trend over the period,
while
for the remaining age groups, the
internet
user patterns
were fluctuated
Change to the active voice
fluctuated
have fluctuated
show examples
.
According to
the data, young
adults
between 16-24
years
old
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
consistently became the highest percentage of
internet
users
over the four-
year
period.
Started
Wrong verb form
Starting
show examples
with 80%
users
in both 2003 and 2004, the
rate
reached a peak at 100% in 2005. The proportion experienced a slight decrease,
however
, in the following
year
at around 95%. Unlike the
internet
users
rate
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
adults
, it is evident that the
internet
utilization for mature
adults
people aged between 25-44
eyars
Correct your spelling
years
old and 45-54
years
old consistently increased
year
by
year
. Both managed to hit their highest
rate
in 2006, at 80% altogether.
Furthermore
, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
also
an increase of daily
internet
users
for the elderly people between 55-64
years
old and 65+ from the
year
2003 to 2006, albeit at fluctuated patterns. Similar to the mature
adults
, elders
also
reached their highest percentage in 2006, at approximately 50% and 20%, respectively.
Submitted by michellyonggo on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Vocabulary: Replace the words rate, internet, years, year, users, adults with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • age group
  • daily internet use
  • trend
  • increase/decrease
  • upward/downward trend
  • year-wise
  • distribution
  • fluctuation
  • highest/lowest
  • technological advancements
  • social changes
  • targeted marketing
  • internet usage patterns
  • technological familiarity
  • lifestyle
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