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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of adults of different ages in the UK who used the Internet every day from 2003-2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of adults of different ages in the UK who used the Internet every day from 2003-2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart illustrates the
rate
Use synonyms
 of
internet
Use synonyms
 usage by individuals in the UK in various age groups (16-24, 25-44, 45-54, 55-64 and 65+
years
Use synonyms
 old) for the period of four
years
Use synonyms
, from 2003 to 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 individuals
within
Change preposition
between
show examples
 16-24
years
Use synonyms
 old are the highest proportion of
internet
Use synonyms
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
 compared to the other age groups every
year
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the number of
internet
Use synonyms
users
Use synonyms
 between the ages of 25-44 and 45-54 showed an upward trend over the period,
while
Linking Words
 for the remaining age groups, the
internet
Use synonyms
 user patterns
were fluctuated
Change to the active voice
fluctuated
have fluctuated
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, young
adults
Use synonyms
 between 16-24
years
Use synonyms
 old
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
consistently became the highest percentage of
internet
Use synonyms
users
Use synonyms
 over the four-
year
Use synonyms
 period.
Started
Wrong verb form
Starting
show examples
 with 80%
users
Use synonyms
 in both 2003 and 2004, the
rate
Use synonyms
 reached a peak at 100% in 2005. The proportion experienced a slight decrease,
however
Linking Words
, in the following
year
Use synonyms
 at around 95%. Unlike the
internet
Use synonyms
users
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
adults
Use synonyms
, it is evident that the
internet
Use synonyms
 utilization for mature
adults
Use synonyms
 people aged between 25-44
eyars
Correct your spelling
years
 old and 45-54
years
Use synonyms
 old consistently increased
year
Use synonyms
 by
year
Use synonyms
. Both managed to hit their highest
rate
Use synonyms
 in 2006, at 80% altogether.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
also
Linking Words
 an increase of daily
internet
Use synonyms
users
Use synonyms
 for the elderly people between 55-64
years
Use synonyms
 old and 65+ from the
year
Use synonyms
 2003 to 2006, albeit at fluctuated patterns. Similar to the mature
adults
Use synonyms
, elders
also
Linking Words
 reached their highest percentage in 2006, at approximately 50% and 20%, respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words rate, internet, years, year, users, adults with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • age group
  • daily internet use
  • trend
  • increase/decrease
  • upward/downward trend
  • year-wise
  • distribution
  • fluctuation
  • highest/lowest
  • technological advancements
  • social changes
  • targeted marketing
  • internet usage patterns
  • technological familiarity
  • lifestyle
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