IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Natural resources, such as water, forests and oil are being used at an excessive rate. What is the main cause of this problem? How can this issue be solved.

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Planet resources are being consumed at an alarming rate. The primary cause of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is the lifestyle of the people living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Western countries and the most viable solution is to educate young people about
this
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 issue. Countries in North America and Europe have a culture of waste.
That is
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 to say that their lifestyle
involve
Change the verb form
involves
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 consuming
lot
Change the article
a lot
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 of natural resources for their transport, food and leisure time.
This
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 results in a huge amount of
energy
Use synonyms
 being consumed in the form of petrol in cars and coal and gas in electrical power stations. Many have become so used to
this
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 type of luxury that it is very difficult for them to contemplate a life without modern conveniences.
For example
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, the most popular car in the United America is
SUV
Correct article usage
the SUV
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, which has
low
Add an article
a low
the low
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 fuel efficiency of any car and it is not
unsual
Correct your spelling
unusual
 for
european
Correct your spelling
Europeans
 to have
TV
Add an article
a TV
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 in all rooms
along with
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 many other electrical devices. A
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
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 solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 predicament is to educate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young people about the dangers of consuming resources irresponsibly. Children in schools could be taught about how to conserve
energy
Use synonyms
 and recycle so that the next generation will act more responsibly.They are
also
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likey
Correct your spelling
likely
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 to teach their parents the things they learned in
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 and adults will
also
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 be influenced by
this
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initative
Correct your spelling
initiative
.
For example
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,
school children
Correct your spelling
schoolchildren
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 in Germany
taught
Add a missing verb
were taught
show examples
 about the consequences of treating the
planets
Fix the agreement mistake
planet
show examples
 in a reckless manner and now they have one of the highest
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 of recycling and renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 in the world. In conclusion, planets
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 being depleted at a staggering rate because American and European citizens consume more
energy
Use synonyms
 than their fair share and their children must be taught that conservation is the best answer.

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task achievement
Provide a more detailed explanation of how the lifestyle in the Western countries directly leads to high consumption of natural resources. This will strengthen the task response score.
task achievement
Consider addressing potential counterarguments or mentioning other causes for the issue. This will create a more comprehensive response.
general
Ensure consistency with grammar and spelling: for example, 'United America' should be 'United States,' and 'planets' should be 'planet' and ensure subject-verb agreement in phrases like 'European to have TV.'
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion present, setting up the context and summarizing the main points effectively.
task achievement
Use of relevant and specific examples, such as the SUV usage in America and the education system in Germany, to support main points.
coherence cohesion
Logical progression of ideas, making it easy to follow the argument from the problem to the proposed solution.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive rate
  • urbanization
  • industrialization
  • raw materials
  • over-exploitation
  • consumerism
  • lifestyle choices
  • deforestation
  • water scarcity
  • fossil fuels
  • depletion
  • sustainable practices
  • renewable energy sources
  • regulations and enforcement
  • climate change
  • efficient usage
  • investment
  • technological advancement
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