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Band 5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Forming skilled and knowledgeable individuals is the main goal of the educational system. Through a diverse
curriculum
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curriculum,
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 a student acquires information on various topics which will be useful for their job and day-to-day life. It
is disagreed
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disagrees
has disagreed
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 that non-academic
subjects
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 should be removed from the school syllabus with the goal of prioritizing only academic
work
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. To support the thesis, the importance of diverse skills and the atmosphere of the learning environment are being analyzed. In
life
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life,
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 it is essential to
posess
Correct your spelling
possess
 a multitude of aptitudes to be able to handle challenges.
For example
Linking Words
, a cookery
class
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 presents knowledge which can be used when living alone during university years and dealing with
shortage
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a shortage
the shortage
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 of time and financial resources. Non-academic
subjects
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 give the student an opportunity to
work
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 and learn about more practical fields. When faced with real life, there is
need
Correct article usage
a need
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of
Change preposition
for
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 more than just academic information,
therefore
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 non-academic
subjects
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 should not be removed from the curriculum. To succeed, youths need a welcoming and non-stressful learning environment, which allows them to
also
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 socialize and enjoy their experience.
For instance
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, having a physical education
class
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 in between a demanding calculus
class
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 and a technical physics
class
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 allows a student to take a break from the intense thinking and relax,
while
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also
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 learning a new game or
practicing
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practising
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team
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teamwork
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work
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. Non-academic
subjects
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 help kids enjoy their school experience and not become overwhelmed.
Such
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 an
admosphere
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
 will help them succeed academically. To summarize, focusing just on academic
work
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, despite increased competition, deprives students of essential practical skills and creates a dense, stressful schedule.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the idea of removing non-academic classes from the syllabus cannot be supported. After
thorough
Correct article usage
a thorough
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 analysis
on
Change preposition
of
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this
Linking Words
 subject, it is advised that schools continue to offer courses
such
Linking Words
 as cookery and physical education to enhance the learning process and help students become well-rounded individuals.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence to further enhance the logical flow of ideas. This helps guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Include a few more specific examples or references to real-world situations to make the arguments more compelling and relatable.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively argues against removing non-academic subjects from the school syllabus, presenting a clear stance throughout the response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which enhances readability and understanding.
Task Achievement
The use of specific examples, like the cookery class scenario and physical education break, strengthens the argument and demonstrates a practical understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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