There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Forming skilled and knowledgeable individuals is the main goal of the educational system. Through a diverse
curriculum
a student acquires information on various topics which will be useful for their job and day-to-day life. It Add a comma
curriculum,
is disagreed
that non-academic Change to the active voice
disagrees
has disagreed
subjects
should be removed from the school syllabus with the goal of prioritizing only academic Use synonyms
work
. To support the thesis, the importance of diverse skills and the atmosphere of the learning environment are being analyzed.
In Use synonyms
life
it is essential to Add a comma
life,
posess
a multitude of aptitudes to be able to handle challenges. Correct your spelling
possess
For example
, a cookery Linking Words
class
presents knowledge which can be used when living alone during university years and dealing with Use synonyms
shortage
of time and financial resources. Non-academic Add an article
a shortage
the shortage
subjects
give the student an opportunity to Use synonyms
work
and learn about more practical fields. When faced with real life, there is Use synonyms
need
Correct article usage
a need
of
more than just academic information, Change preposition
for
therefore
non-academic Linking Words
subjects
should not be removed from the curriculum.
To succeed, youths need a welcoming and non-stressful learning environment, which allows them to Use synonyms
also
socialize and enjoy their experience. Linking Words
For instance
, having a physical education Linking Words
class
in between a demanding calculus Use synonyms
class
and a technical physics Use synonyms
class
allows a student to take a break from the intense thinking and relax, Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
also
learning a new game or Linking Words
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
work
. Non-academic Use synonyms
subjects
help kids enjoy their school experience and not become overwhelmed. Use synonyms
Such
an Linking Words
admosphere
will help them succeed academically.
To summarize, focusing just on academic Correct your spelling
atmosphere
work
, despite increased competition, deprives students of essential practical skills and creates a dense, stressful schedule. Use synonyms
Therefore
, Linking Words
it is clear that
the idea of removing non-academic classes from the syllabus cannot be supported. After Linking Words
thorough
analysis Correct article usage
a thorough
on
Change preposition
of
this
subject, it is advised that schools continue to offer courses Linking Words
such
as cookery and physical education to enhance the learning process and help students become well-rounded individuals.Linking Words
Submitted by alexandra.beianu30 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence to further enhance the logical flow of ideas. This helps guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Include a few more specific examples or references to real-world situations to make the arguments more compelling and relatable.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively argues against removing non-academic subjects from the school syllabus, presenting a clear stance throughout the response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which enhances readability and understanding.
Task Achievement
The use of specific examples, like the cookery class scenario and physical education break, strengthens the argument and demonstrates a practical understanding of the topic.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?