Some people believe that to protect local cultures, tourism should be banned in some areas, while others think that change is inevitable and banning tourism will have no benefits. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
It is argued that
,
putting restrictions on Remove the comma
apply
tourism
is irrelevant and change of mankind is not possible. A school of thought holds perception
that Add an article
the perception
tourism
should be banned to preserve local culture in some areas. The essey
will elaborate Correct your spelling
essay
both
points of view and the Change preposition
on both
writers
opinion.
Change to a genitive case
writer's
writers'
Tourism
is one of a county's way
of generating income and employment for development. Income received by the government through the Fix the agreement mistake
ways
tourist
could be allocated to different coffers Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
such
as construction
of roads, transport, health and education and improve Add an article
the construction
quality
Add an article
the quality
livelihood
of the people in the nation. Change preposition
of livelihood
To
Change preposition
In
add
Replace the word
addition
up
, Change preposition
apply
tourism
and local culture promotes
unity and lift the face of Correct subject-verb agreement
promote
a
society. Remove the article
apply
The nations reputation
can be lifted through local cultures which individuals from different Change to a genitive case
The nation's reputation
continent
travel to visit that particular nation thereby Fix the agreement mistake
continents
strengthen
peace, unity and harmony. About 10% of funds taxes generated from Wrong verb form
strengthening
tourist
could be Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
centered
Change the spelling
centred
to
different sectors.
Change preposition
on
In contrast
, banning of
local cultures and Change preposition
apply
tourism
will not be ideal
Correct article usage
an ideal
solutions
, Fix the agreement mistake
solution
instead
Add a comma
instead,
a
firm law enforcement could be maintained and Remove the article
apply
culprit
punished either by Correct article usage
the culprit
fined
or prison to maintain law and order. Again, security services Replace the word
fine
such
as police should be deployed to the area and assigned for regular
Add an article
a regular
checkup
, security cameras can be installed at every corner to capture Fix the agreement mistake
checkups
individual
who abides Add an article
an individual
the
rules and regulations governing the area and necessarily punishment or judgment could be passed for the Change preposition
by the
offense
committed. Provision of adequate information through media about precautions of the site will help to maintain the area
Change the spelling
offence
To conclude
, local tourism
and cultures promote unity and peace among nations and serves
as a source of income for development. Correct subject-verb agreement
serve
Instead
of banning, maintaining law, providing security and adequate punishment should be enforced.Submitted by priscillaagyeiwaaboahen on
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grammar
Work on sentence structure and grammar. There are quite a few grammatical errors that affect readability and clarity. For example, '...putting restrictions on tourism is irrelevant and change of mankind is not possible' should be clearer. Additionally, 'Tourism is one of a county's way of generating income...' should be 'one of a country's ways of generating income...'.
examples
Introduce more specific examples to support your points. You discuss general advantages and disadvantages, but specific case studies or real-world examples would strengthen your arguments.
coherence
Try to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. While you have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, the connections between ideas could be smoother and more cohesive.
balance
You have addressed both sides of the argument fairly well, giving balanced attention to the pros and cons of banning tourism to protect local cultures.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your argument and provides a clear takeaway for the reader.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.