IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

In certain countries, unemployment is so high that some have suggested children should stop their education after primary school to learn skills necessary to join the workforce. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #unemployment #children #education #school #skills #workforce
Now days
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
 a lot of
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
 decide not to go to university
instead
 of it they
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 a job .
although
high
Change the article
a high
the high
show examples
 number of
umployed
Correct your spelling
unemployed
employed
 people . I strongly agree with the statement
due to
Change preposition
because
show examples
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 are some expiret that
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 should have
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Also
, they should be well- trained
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
thechology
Correct your spelling
technology
. First and foremost,
clerk
Fix the agreement mistake
clerks
show examples
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 just need to graduate from university to have a career . He must
leran
Correct your spelling
learn
 an important skill to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 and survive in
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
.
Such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 communication skills,
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
 and
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
. Certain individuals lost their chance to get a job in view of lack of
these skill
Change the determiner
this skill
these skills
show examples
. I am an example of
this
my self
Correct your spelling
myself
show examples
. I have a
master
Change noun form
master's
show examples
 degree
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 accountant with
excllent
Correct your spelling
excellent
.
However
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 don't have any work
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 or experience. As
aresult
Correct your spelling
a result
 of
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 has a career.
Furthermore
, Now in 2024 technology is part of us. People need to train and learn how to use technology. All speciality has some technology
requirment
Correct your spelling
requirement
 to use in work. If you have these requirements they
dont looke
Correct your spelling
don't look
 to the certificate or the grade.
For instance
 , In accounting is essential to know how to use Financial
exel
Correct your spelling
Excel
, to do income
statment
Correct your spelling
statements
 using
accounting
Add an article
an accounting
show examples
 program. There is no place to do it in hands. In
colusin
Correct your spelling
conclusion
cousin
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
storngly
Correct your spelling
strongly
 support the suggestion that
expiret
Correct your spelling
expired
 is more important than certification and there is
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 percentage of people who don't have a job.
Submitted by ananalmahyawi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language accuracy
Work on improving language accuracy by focusing on grammar, punctuation, and spelling errors. For example, "a lot of student" should be "a lot of students," "umployed" should be "unemployed," and "the thechology" should be "the technology."
logical flow
Enhance the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure each idea transitions smoothly to the next. For example, use phrases like "In addition" or "Moreover" to link ideas.
paragraph development
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point supported by specific examples. For instance, the second paragraph can be more specific about why practical skills are crucial for employment.
task response
You have addressed the task and presented a clear position on the topic.
examples use
You have effectively employed relevant examples, such as your own experiences and the use of technology in accounting, to support your main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: